The Relationship Thread

[pigpen]

Don't worry. Every human on the planet acts like a dick because they're scared of people seeing their vulnerability. At least you acknowledge it.
Is that true? It's strangely comforting to hear that.. It's incredibly annoying, and almost a knee-jerk reaction in most situations for me.
Women tell me that all the time, "Ugh, you're soooo mean". I don't have the courage to tell them it's because I'm scared of them! haha

[Dra508]

Is that true? It's strangely comforting to hear that.. It's incredibly annoying, and almost a knee-jerk reaction in most situations for me.
Women tell me that all the time, "Ugh, you're soooo mean". I don't have the courage to tell them it's because I'm scared of them! hahaShowing vulnerability is hard. No one wants to get hurt.

[The_Prowler]

I might have a chance with someone I've had a crush on for a long time... I don't know, though. I'm treading lightly and trying to play it cool.
Yeah, never mind, I don't think it's going to happen. I don't know what the hell I was thinking :confused:

[The_Prowler]

Is that true? It's strangely comforting to hear that.. It's incredibly annoying, and almost a knee-jerk reaction in most situations for me.
Women tell me that all the time, "Ugh, you're soooo mean". I don't have the courage to tell them it's because I'm scared of them! haha
It's common, but not everyone overcompensates like that. Some people just don't even try to talk to other people for fear of rejection. And a lot of people (like me) over-compensate for their insecurities and fears with self deprecating humor. Everyone's different in that regard.

[pigpen]

I try to do that, I try to make a conscious effort, but it's almost by default that I just go there..
I don't even recognize it until afterwards, and what's worse is I have no idea how to act any
other way.
I feel like it's really fucked with my ability to keep relationships with women. Sucks!

[Piko]

I have that same problem. I can get VERY sarcastic. And when I try to tone it down, it gets awkward. Once/If I loosen up, it gets better. It's those first couple steps that's a real bitch.

[pigpen]

Yeah, for sure.
Although, I did go to work this morning with a goal in mind. I was going to be good to those around me,
and it made the whole day just better. Like, my mood improved and it was just a good day! Weird how
a conscious effort to change things actually had an effect for once! Now I just need to apply that to
my interactions with women and hopefully that aspect of my life will improve as well.

I really just need to do something, because I honestly feel like I'm fucking up, hard!

[aurelius]

Being right for each other is what really counts.
Thank you. It IS what matters. I feel like I released some pressure after my dumb outburst. I feel back to my old self, and we're both stupid happy together. I'm incredibly lucky and happy and grateful that we found each other.

[Frozen Beach]

So, apparently me and my friend that I've liked for a while (who rejected me in the past) are now sort of an item. She admitted to me that she rejected me before because she was very insecure about herself, and that it had nothing to do specifically with me. We haven't been on a date yet, but we have been talking about places we'd like to go for our first date. The hardest part is transportation. I don't drive (neither does she), but I'm working on getting my license and something to drive. In the meantime, hopefully I can schedule a double date with someone I know. I've liked her for a really long, and have recently been going through some bad depression, but this development has really made me a lot happier.

[Frozen Beach]

Sorry for the double post, but it's official. We're more than just an item. She announced it on facebook, which isn't entirely characteristic of her, so she must be incredibly happy. So am I.

[The_Prowler]

Discovering previously missed opportunities that would have led to something amazing is always fun :rolleyes:

[playwithfire]

Mu(gh)nogamy.

[Dra508]

So being told your relationship has a shelf life is a real smack to the face. How can you go in thinking there is guaranteed to be an end? Is it just cynical? Or does it tell one that commitment is not in their vocabulary? I guess I've been married for so long I can't relate.

[playwithfire]

So being told your relationship has a shelf life is a real smack to the face. How can you go in thinking there is guaranteed to be an end? Is it just cynical? Or does it tell one that commitment is not in their vocabulary? I guess I've been married for so long I can't relate.

Well, my relationship has a shelf life. We have drastically different long term goals. I don't want kids, he does. He wants marriage, I don't particularly. Also there's the poly thing, but I'm not going to use it with this. Our differing long terms goals don't effect our now as we're both years and years and years away from wanting those things, and we're both crazy about each other.

HOWEVER, he did have a hard time with the same thing for a little while. Knowing we had no chance. Personally, knowing a really awesome relationship is gonna end one day doesn't dissuade me from the now. They'll all probably end.

[DF118]

So being told your relationship has a shelf life is a real smack to the face. How can you go in thinking there is guaranteed to be an end? Is it just cynical? Or does it tell one that commitment is not in their vocabulary? I guess I've been married for so long I can't relate.

Tell him to fuck off.

[allegro]

So being told your relationship has a shelf life is a real smack to the face. How can you go in thinking there is guaranteed to be an end? Is it just cynical? Or does it tell one that commitment is not in their vocabulary? I guess I've been married for so long I can't relate.
This isn't meant to last; this is for right now.

[Dra508]

Playwithfire, you're young, so much of ahead of you, I totally can see your POV. I'm fascinated with the polyamory that you are trying to have in your life.
DFF118: you're married right? Understand commitment?
Allegro: this is my fear, but I don't like being punched in the face with it. I actually think I'm being mismatched with this topic, you know, the ol' Ill break up with you before you break up with me scenario. Fear of commitment? Fear of intimacy? Fear of rejection? I don't know.

[aggroculture]

This isn't meant to last; this is for right now.

I always heard that lyric as "this is a mental ass, this is for right now."

[playwithfire]

Mmm. I've got mental ass right now if you catch my drift.

[DF118]

DFF118: you're married right? Understand commitment?


Yep, and yep. So what I would do, is think about his motive for telling you this.

Did he expect you to reciprocate this opinion? If that's the case, why did he bother stating this outright? Because if he was wrong, wouldn't that be quite upsetting for you? And if he was right, wouldn't that hasten your relationship's shelf life? You'd both be acknowledging that there's a sell by date. A couple who agree that the food's going off are more likely to clean the fridge.

So if he didn't think you and him were on the same page, was he foreshadowing something, and trying to be gentle about it?

Anyway, your own reaction says a lot about how you feel about the situation. You can rationalise this by telling yourself that you have a different set of values in a relationship, and that your more mature for valuing commitment, and you're both expecting different things here. But it's tricky to reconcile that with the feeling of being punched in the gut because you've basically just been told you're going to get dumped some time.

I'd ask him to elaborate and try and talk about what's going on, so you both know where the other one is coming from. And if he doesn't want to do that, then that's not really fair on you. But then, he might not necessarily know himself, guys are stupid like that.

(If I sound blunt, I don't mean to be, I've had some mitigating circumstances this evening).

[allegro]

^ What he said. YOUR REACTION to it is most important, and interesting. I ended up in a fuck-buddy situation during/after my divorce and there was NO WAY I was going to allow myself to get anywhere NEAR a committed long term "relationship." It just wasn't a good idea. I needed time to find "me" again. And, like it or not, we SCREAM "rebound" during this time; every smart guy we're screwing knows that anything we're "in" while going through a divorce has a "shelf life." To quote NIN, again: we just need a Warm Place. Temporarily.

[Frozen Beach]

My girlfriend didn't have a good day today or yesterday because her body dysmorphic disorder and auditory hallucinations caused her to break down. I comforted her the best I could. Still, it's hard to see the person I love and care about go through this. She doesn't deserve these problems. I'm bringing her flowers tomorrow, so hopefully that will cheer her up, and hopefully I can keep her happy.

[playwithfire]

Good on you, dude.

[Dra508]

^ What he said. YOUR REACTION to it is most important, and interesting. I ended up in a fuck-buddy situation during/after my divorce and there was NO WAY I was going to allow myself to get anywhere NEAR a committed long term "relationship." It just wasn't a good idea. I needed time to find "me" again. And, like it or not, we SCREAM "rebound" during this time; every smart guy we're screwing knows that anything we're "in" while going through a divorce has a "shelf life." To quote NIN, again: we just need a Warm Place. Temporarily.It's been called the world longest exit relationship. I did talk with him and rather then mismatching me, he felt he was matching me. I have extremely selective in telling people, co-workers (we work at the same company - not same office), family, that I'm dating. I thought about it a lot last night and it made me pretty sad that he thought I'd be happy that he is excepting of my lack of openness. He told me today it was his way of dealing with me. Blah blah blah - I told him we need to plan for the future rather than be in this little bubble much longer. I'm sorry for being this way. I'm so used to be in a committed relationship, that if any little thing shook the foundation, I couldn't deal with that. He agreed with that, but I don't know if anything is going to change- I suck. Insert NIN title. Thanks guys - appreciate the feedback.

[Frozen Beach]

Laying in bed together, watching SVU. God, could this Woman be anymore perfect?

[aurelius]

Autoimmune diseases/disorders fucking suck. I can't fathom how hard it must be to have one. Today my boyfriend finally had to ask if I could sit on a chair, not on the couch with him, so he could lie down but my body heat wouldn't make him suffer. I tried as hard as possible to act fine but totally cried. He either didn't notice, or, more likely, he ignored it for both of us.

My kingdom for air conditioning. It won't "fix" things, but it'll help. It hurts both of us like hell on days like today.

[Warped_Savant]

Aurelius -- Autoimmune diseases are horrible.
My wife has one and the only medication to treat it means that we can't have children.

Try not to be upset with him, it's not his fault. Sometimes you have to do something you'd rather not just so that the other person can be comfortable. It might be hard for you, but it's harder on them because they're the ones that have to ask you to do / not do something.

[vpintz]

fuck oceans and miles and shit. is it december yet?

[aurelius]

Aurelius -- Autoimmune diseases are horrible.
My wife has one and the only medication to treat it means that we can't have children.

Try not to be upset with him, it's not his fault. Sometimes you have to do something you'd rather not just so that the other person can be comfortable. It might be hard for you, but it's harder on them because they're the ones that have to ask you to do / not do something.
Oh no, I'm certainly not mad at him! I'm so grateful that he CAN ask for things like that. He's very honest, and I can always ask him about anything. We try not to dwell on it. I'm lucky in that I have a great support network and can vent to them with things get tough for me. We've kind of developed our own language and routine about it, about acknowledging his physical pain without dwelling on it. Some days just hit really hard and today was one of them. It's hard not being able to snuggle with the person you love because it will literally cause them pain. And I know any hurt I feel has to be SO much worse for him.

[sentient02970]

It's been called the world longest exit relationship. I did talk with him and rather then mismatching me, he felt he was matching me. I have extremely selective in telling people, co-workers (we work at the same company - not same office), family, that I'm dating. I thought about it a lot last night and it made me pretty sad that he thought I'd be happy that he is excepting of my lack of openness. He told me today it was his way of dealing with me. Blah blah blah - I told him we need to plan for the future rather than be in this little bubble much longer. I'm sorry for being this way. I'm so used to be in a committed relationship, that if any little thing shook the foundation, I couldn't deal with that. He agreed with that, but I don't know if anything is going to change- I suck. Insert NIN title. Thanks guys - appreciate the feedback.?

Dra, you are awesome. You do not suck. You also deserve so much better in a committed relationship. I am so sorry you are dealing with this. But you seem to have your head around this right. I'm rooting for you. I know you'll come out OK on the other side.

[Dra508]

?

Dra, you are awesome. You do not suck. You also deserve so much better in a committed relationship. I am so sorry you are dealing with this. But you seem to have your head around this right. I'm rooting for you. I know you'll come out OK on the other side.Definitely. It's not just him, it's me. I'm can be insensitive and am challenged with remaking my identity. I am hopeful.

He's willing to come to the NIN concert in October so there's that. ;) I think the last concert he went was Selena Gomez with his ten year old.

[nin5in]

Laying in bed, just prior to smoldering sexual activity, her skin sticking to yours, listening to her catching her breath and her heartbeat racing through her skin, against your chest.
You pull her close, seeing that she's ready for you, start kissing and undressing her...That's what usually happens when I watch TV with my husband, we never finish watching the show.

[allegro]

This totally reminded me of that Liz Phair lyric:

'He said he liked to do it backwards, I said that's just fine with me
that way we can fuck and watch TV...'
Chopsticks!!!

[playwithfire]

You pull her close, seeing that she's ready for you, start kissing and undressing her...That's what usually happens when I watch TV with my husband, we never finish watching the show.
Slowly, I roll over onto my side. Our backs against each other. Our butts touching. "What are you doing?" he asks, his tone full of laughter. This isn't new. "I'm touching your butt with my butt." I say, angling my hips backwards.

We're talking about our relationships, right? Not writing erotica. Because that's my relationship.

[allegro]

Slowly, I roll over onto my side. Our backs against each other. Our butts touching. "What are you doing?" he asks, his tone full of laughter. This isn't new. "I'm touching your butt with my butt." I say, angling my hips backwards.
Then I break the spell and ask, "you wanna take the dog out one last time?" And then he does.

[playwithfire]

Then I break the spell and ask, "you wanna take the dog out one last time?" And then he does.

His blue eyes fix on my face intently and he slowly approaches me, wearing nothing but boxer briefs. His full lips part as he says "Are you done with that?" He points to the empty coffee mug by his bed. I go put in in the kitchen sink.

[eversonpoe]

about to go out for mexican food & drinks with my lovely fiancee to celebrate what we found out yesterday: that my evil ex (i do not use that term lightly...4-year abusive relationship) has moved out of chicago! WOO!

[sentient02970]

Making dinner for her at my place tomorrow after a day of hiking. Yes.

[slave2thewage]

I ran into my ex last week in Belfast. It was only slightly awkward. Result.

[Halo Infinity]

Slowly, I roll over onto my side. Our backs against each other. Our butts touching. "What are you doing?" he asks, his tone full of laughter. This isn't new. "I'm touching your butt with my butt." I say, angling my hips backwards.

We're talking about our relationships, right? Not writing erotica. Because that's my relationship.
Dare I say, I think that's sort of the kind of relationship I'm pining for. I'd like to be with somebody I can be myself with, very close to, while making each other laugh all at once. :) As for the other relationships I've read here, I've found them to be also uplifting and inspiring, as I still hope to fall in love and be loved some day. :)

[Dra508]

Making dinner for her at my place tomorrow after a day of hiking. Yes.No pressure. First time I made dinner for my guy, I cooked asparagus. Bad move- but he ate it. :D

[sentient02970]

No pressure. First time I made dinner for my guy, I cooked asparagus. Bad move- but he ate it. :D

Haha yes well I avoided asparagus. Just doing pesto chicken fettuccine and Caesar salad. Of course I did not forget the wine. ;)

[Warped_Savant]

Slowly, I roll over onto my side. Our backs against each other. Our butts touching. "What are you doing?" he asks, his tone full of laughter. This isn't new. "I'm touching your butt with my butt." I say, angling my hips backwards.
I do that to my wife all the time!

[aurelius]

He proposed! SO FUCKING THRILLED. So in love, so happy!

[Warped_Savant]

He proposed! SO FUCKING THRILLED. So in love, so happy!
That's awesome, Aurelius!
How did he do it?

[aurelius]

That's awesome, Aurelius!
How did he do it?
We had a picnic in the park where we went on our first date. Fancy basket of yummy food. Just a really fun, pleasant day (except the damn heat). After we'd finished eating he kissed me and told me how much he loved me. How he wanted to spend his life with me. He asked me to marry him. I guess he was having trouble getting the ring out and I was all "yes!" and he laughed and said I was supposed to wait until the ring was on. And I laughed and said "I don't care! Yes!" Two years ago we were in separate places thinking we'd never fall in love, never truly find a real partner. We are both so damn happy and excited about the future.

[Warped_Savant]

We had a picnic in the park where we went on our first date. Fancy basket of yummy food. Just a really fun, pleasant day (except the damn heat). After we'd finished eating he kissed me and told me how much he loved me. How he wanted to spend his life with me. He asked me to marry him. I guess he was having trouble getting the ring out and I was all "yes!" and he laughed and said I was supposed to wait until the ring was on. And I laughed and said "I don't care! Yes!" Two years ago we were in separate places thinking we'd never fall in love, never truly find a real partner. We are both so damn happy and excited about the future.
That's so awesome. I like nice, little proposals like that. Too often now-a-days you see guys making such a big deal out of it.
Yours is the type of story that makes people smile and your girl friends will be jealous about.

[JessicaSarahS]

We had a picnic in the park where we went on our first date. Fancy basket of yummy food. Just a really fun, pleasant day (except the damn heat). After we'd finished eating he kissed me and told me how much he loved me. How he wanted to spend his life with me. He asked me to marry him. I guess he was having trouble getting the ring out and I was all "yes!" and he laughed and said I was supposed to wait until the ring was on. And I laughed and said "I don't care! Yes!" Two years ago we were in separate places thinking we'd never fall in love, never truly find a real partner. We are both so damn happy and excited about the future.


Aww, congrats! This makes my cold, cynical heart melt a bit. :)

[sentient02970]

Two nights in a row she wants me to stay at her place. Wow! :D

[REPLICA]

My ex wants me to have dinner with her at a bar while we talk about "important things I need to know." …. What the fuck?

[eversonpoe]

My ex wants me to have dinner with her at a bar while we talk about "important things I need to know." …. What the fuck?

IT'S A TRAP!

no, seriously...

[orestes]

Somebody's pregnant.

[Baphomette]

Yeah, that was my first thought. It's either that or an STD.

[REPLICA]

Yeah guys, those were my first thoughts too. I told her I would go but I'm pretty cautious about it right now. Hopefully it's neither of those things. But we'll see tomorrow evening what it all is.

[Fixer808]

What's more expensive, an abortion or a penicillin prescription? Guess it depends on your HMO...

[Pillfred]

What's more expensive, an abortion or a penicillin prescription? ...

Haha this was the first thing I saw when I opened up teh forums... Without context, I gotta say I laughed pretty hard.

Hope it goes well man.

[Fixer808]

Haha this was the first thing I saw when I opened up teh forums... Without context, I gotta say I laughed pretty hard.

Hope it goes well man.
Haha! Well, WITH context, you should be wishing REPLICA luck! ;)

[REPLICA]

Haha! Well, WITH context, you should be wishing REPLICA luck! ;)

Yeah, that made me laugh too. Thanks for the wishes! Hopefully it won't be too bad, I just hate how I keep wondering what it could be.

[Warped_Savant]

My ex wants me to have dinner with her at a bar while we talk about "important things I need to know." …. What the fuck?
Other than the two previously mentioned, the only thing I can come up with is that she just really wants to see you and thinks that saying something like that is the only way she can get that to happen....

When's the last time you two.... spent time together....

[REPLICA]

Other than the two previously mentioned, the only thing I can come up with is that she just really wants to see you and thinks that saying something like that is the only way she can get that to happen....

When's the last time you two.... spent time together....

Well, she was away in Sweden (studying) from January to June - we broke up in April. Then about two weeks ago we had drunk sex and the next day she told me that she didn't want to be my friend. And just out of the blue last night, she sent me a text asking if we could have the dinner and a talk.

[Warped_Savant]

Well... When you get there, assuming she's there before you, see if she's drinking a beer... That might give you a hint as to which of the two it is...

Let us know how it goes and what it is... I hope it's something minor that no one has considered yet...

[Fixer808]

That's the wording? "A talk"? Sounds seriouskis.

[Frozen Beach]

So, I called my girlfriend today (since it has been a few days since I've heard from her, and I figured she was too busy getting ready for college), but it turns out she was in the hospital because of her disorders, and no one called and told me. I knew she was depressed the other day, and I offered to keep her company to help her feel better or she could come to my house, but she wouldn't budge. And I didn't get to talk to her today because when I called, she was asleep. Hopefully things get better for her.

[REPLICA]

Well, the dinner with my ex went alright. She told me that she is hoping to go back to Sweden for graduate school (if she's accepted) and that would be next year after she graduates from our current school. Basically she doesn't want to be in a relationship with me because she feels that she will eventually want to live in Sweden and she doesn't want me to go with her because she doesn't want me to leave my family just for her. I think a part of it is also that I still have two or two and a half years left of my undergrad work left to do and (this may just be my paranoia) but I think she might be thinking I'll hold her back from doing what she wants to do. I've told her that I don't want to do that but I just don't know how truthful she is with me right now.

So… We talked about it and she said that she would like to be friends with me but last night I happened to stay the night with her so we are now friends with benefits. So, yeah. I'm keeping my options open for other potential relationships for now.

[Dra508]

I think she might be thinking I'll hold her back from doing what she wants to do. I've told her that I don't want to do that but I just don't know how truthful she is with me right now.
.Why would you think she's not being truthful? You called her your ex, and she said 'yes, I need to be your ex'

The whole friends with benefits thing is a bit lost on me some times. I really think you both can't have a deep connection in order for that to work. Otherwise, it's one person getting what they want, and the other feeling wretched on the inside because they love this person so much, but this is the best they can get from them so they just go along.

I'm happy you don't have to get an abortion or penicillin - You ETSers are a bunch of cynical fuckers!!

[Frozen Beach]

Well, I found out why she was in the hospital... suicide attempt. And nobody told me. I had to find out from her. And just when I thought she was doing better with her BDD and auditory hallucination problems, they've become worse and the main reason as to why she's alienating herself. Plus, her dad won't let her leave the house anyway since her suicide attempt. Told her to call me tomorrow if she felt like seeing me, but she told me she probably wouldn't because she feels too ugly.

I don't know what to do. It seems like when everything gets better, it then becomes twice as bad. I can't even support her through this because she won't let me.

[eversonpoe]

Well, I found out why she was in the hospital... suicide attempt. And nobody told me. I had to find out from her. And just when I thought she was doing better with her BDD and auditory hallucination problems, they've become worse and the main reason as to why she's alienating herself. Plus, her dad won't let her leave the house anyway since her suicide attempt. Told her to call me tomorrow if she felt like seeing me, but she told me she probably wouldn't because she feels too ugly.

I don't know what to do. It seems like when everything gets better, it then becomes twice as bad. I can't even support her through this because she won't let me.

i am so, so sorry.

as someone who has been in her shoes (but not yours), i can tell you that the best thing to do is be patient and understanding (which it seems like you've already got covered). it may seem like a dick move for her family to have not told you, but it's possible that they didn't want you to freak out (which is stupid, i know, but that's how families operate in these situations).

good luck. i hope she heals.

[Warped_Savant]

Well, the dinner with my ex went alright. She told me that she is hoping to go back to Sweden for graduate school (if she's accepted) and that would be next year after she graduates from our current school. Basically she doesn't want to be in a relationship with me because she feels that she will eventually want to live in Sweden and she doesn't want me to go with her because she doesn't want me to leave my family just for her. I think a part of it is also that I still have two or two and a half years left of my undergrad work left to do and (this may just be my paranoia) but I think she might be thinking I'll hold her back from doing what she wants to do. I've told her that I don't want to do that but I just don't know how truthful she is with me right now.

So… We talked about it and she said that she would like to be friends with me but last night I happened to stay the night with her so we are now friends with benefits. So, yeah. I'm keeping my options open for other potential relationships for now.
*tosses confetti*
No hospital things! Just crazy "I need to talk to you and make you really stressed about what it could be by not telling you any details" thing! Those are much better!

[aurelius]

I don't know what to do. It seems like when everything gets better, it then becomes twice as bad. I can't even support her through this because she won't let me.
I am so very sorry. From everything I've read here it absolutely sounds like you ARE supporting her. You are reaching out to her, telling her how you care for her, and heeding her wishes when she needs space. The fact that you aren't running scared says a lot about your character. Best of luck to both of you. I wish I had words of advice.

[slave2thewage]

Oh, this one seems to like me. Result.

[sentient02970]

She is going with me to Montreal while I'm at the show in October (got my ticket before I met her). This will be so good for us. :)

[slave2thewage]

I have a date next week. I'm not entirely sure what to do, it's been that long. Perhaps dressing as an Amish woman is the way forward...

[Halo Infinity]

I don't know where this comes from, but have any of you ever been told that the early 20s were too young for relationships? I find that hard to believe. Some even insist that it's better off to fall in love in your late 20s and early 30s, or to at least wait until you're 25. And well, it inevitably leads me to ask the following question. Did you also find love early too?

[eversonpoe]

I don't know where this comes from, but have any of you ever been told that the early 20s were too young for relationships? I find that hard to believe. Some even insist that it's better off to fall in love in your late 20s and early 30s, or to at least wait until you're 25. And well, it inevitably leads me to ask the following question. Did you also find love early too?

i think that anyone who tries to put age limitations on love is silly.

when i was in love with a girl at the age of 7, it felt incredibly real, and i retained those feelings for a long time.
when i was in my first relationship at the age of 12, it was painfully real, and those feelings lasted for three years.
when i was in my last high-school relationship, it lasted a year, and when it ended, it almost destroyed me.

all love is real and valid, and it doesn't matter when it happens, as long as you treat it (and the object of those feelings) with care and respect.

[Warped_Savant]

I don't know where this comes from, but have any of you ever been told that the early 20s were too young for relationships? I find that hard to believe. Some even insist that it's better off to fall in love in your late 20s and early 30s, or to at least wait until you're 25. And well, it inevitably leads me to ask the following question. Did you also find love early too?
If that's the case then my wife and I are in trouble... We met at the end of high school and started dating pretty much right away. That was over 16 years ago now...
But maybe I just take after my parents... they met in high school too and they're coming up on their 40th wedding anniversary...

[sentient02970]

She basically dumped me last night. I'm through. Thanks 2013, been one heck of a year. :(

[jessamineny]

Unlike :(

[allegro]

She basically dumped me last night. :(
Fuck her (well, not literally), you'll have a good time in Montreal, anyway! :-)

[botley]

I don't know where this comes from, but have any of you ever been told that the early 20s were too young for relationships? I find that hard to believe. Some even insist that it's better off to fall in love in your late 20s and early 30s, or to at least wait until you're 25. And well, it inevitably leads me to ask the following question. Did you also find love early too?
I've had two quite fulfilling and very long-term relationships and I'm still 26 (for a few more weeks). You just have to be very communicative and recognize the other person's needs/space/goals, just like at any other time in your life.

[Dra508]

She basically dumped me last night. I'm through. Thanks 2013, been one heck of a year. :(Are you kidding me? :(

[REPLICA]

She basically dumped me last night. I'm through. Thanks 2013, been one heck of a year. :(

Sorry to hear that

[Halo Infinity]

I just find myself thinking about love so much. To be love and be loved is one of those things I've never experienced yet. I suppose I'm sort of glad to know that I'm not so alone and crazy even though I sometimes feel that way. Whenever I've thought I've found that special somebody, it was such a heavenly feeling. It was undeniably and clearly very emotional, but still. It's like as if I was born for it. It even makes me feel like a kid again as if I didn't have a care in the world. Too bad it only lead me to Something I Can Never Have moments though.

Oh and... sentient02970 - That really came from left field. (As I was lurking, I observed the progress of your relationship. It seemed to be awesome at the time.) My head would've been spinning too. I know we haven't really spoken to each other before here, but I'd hope you'd find somebody just right for you next time. I'm also sorry to hear that, and it makes me also imagine how hard I'd take it if it were me.

[sentient02970]

but I'd hope you'd find somebody just right for you next time. I'm also sorry to hear that, and it makes me also imagine how hard I'd take it if it were me.

Thanks but as of now I'm not considering a "next time". I'm done. Yes it was going great and then wham she shut the door. Maybe she got scared, who knows. Cancer this year, I could handle. This? No way, I give up on this stuff.

[Halo Infinity]

I was about to ask, and I see what you mean by that too. And for many obvious reasons, that's one of my biggest fears when it comes to falling in love.

[eversonpoe]

Thanks but as of now I'm not considering a "next time". I'm done. Yes it was going great and then wham she shut the door. Maybe she got scared, who knows. Cancer this year, I could handle. This? No way, I give up on this stuff.

:: hug :: i'm so, so sorry.

[dlb]

Sorry to hear that too! That sucks big time and has happened to too many people. But experience told me that there is always a "next time" eventhough you don't want to give yourself into that right now. It's hard I know and it sucks beyond belief, but there actually ARE good people out there. And some you even happen to like/love eventually! Let it be for a while and get involved with other things and most important yourself. Do the things you love and then some more!

But who am I to talk right now? I've been on brain-wanking mode for about 8 months now since things didn't work out the way they should have (IMHO that is :P ) mostly because I'm not fulfilled right now in other places aswell. Job's boring, my friends are tiring and my motivation level is below zero while she's busy with her career. But there you go: We are talking again after six months but it's not smooth enough for my taste and I don't know if I should pull through it. There's the fear of me being too obsessed with it and on the other hand not wanting to let it slip just because I'm too lazy for that. For once in my life I should fight for something I hold dear. I guess? :D

Oh and I got a date on Saturday which I don't want to go to. Brain wanking deluxe! I'm actually laughing right now! Shit's ridiculous sometimes... :)

[slave2thewage]

Thanks but as of now I'm not considering a "next time". I'm done. Yes it was going great and then wham she shut the door. Maybe she got scared, who knows. Cancer this year, I could handle. This? No way, I give up on this stuff.
Oh, the amount of times I've gone "Fuck this shit, male spinsterhood is the way forwards" and then someone else comes along after a year or so. You'll be fine. Hope you're holding up okay :).

[eversonpoe]

Oh, the amount of times I've gone "Fuck this shit, male spinsterhood is the way forwards" and then someone else comes along after a year or so. You'll be fine. Hope you're holding up okay :).

well, you're also really cute ;)

(yes, i creeped on you in that live video of breathe underwater...)

edit: why don't we have a friendly flirting thread on this board?

[dlb]

Tricky question here which came up today and I can't wrap my mind around it:

A good friend said that the city I (we) live in may be a problem and that it is easier to find someone elsewhere (of course you're a different person when in another city, but that's not what he meant). He was talking about the girls in our case which were raised up with a spoiled and pseudo sophisticated mindset since Bavaria is on the more prosper side of things within Germany and that people in other cities are taking things lighter.

It might be an unhappy circumstance but the most awesome two girls I've been with were both from the north of Germany and on the other side I was most unlucky in love with two girls from the south. I don't like that believe and I think it is a very limiting one. What's your take on this guys and girls? Is there any substance to that?

I'm talking cities and not states which I guess is a whole different level in the US where a state seems like another country (at least for me) but of course you Americans have to set me straight if I'm mistaken.

[slave2thewage]

well, you're also really cute ;)

(yes, i creeped on you in that live video of breathe underwater...)

edit: why don't we have a friendly flirting thread on this board?

I am such a mess on that DVD. That's what 40+ hours of queueing over three days does to you. I'm much prettier in the flesh!

[sentient02970]

Thanks all. Kris, sorry my response seemed a bit coarse. I'm sounding like a wounded animal lately. I'm very fragile when it comes to falling from this kind of height. I'm still picking up the pieces of me. Sure it heals with time but I am forever timid now about putting my feelings on the line like that. Not as open and carefree with it as I was before.

[Halo Infinity]

No problem, as I could actually relate in some ways. I was even a bit nervous to ask, considering how touchy and deep such a topic is. What you said also describes me to a T in some ways too.

[sentient02970]

Kris. I do hope you don't ever have to go through this. But don't let the fear take away opportunity.

[slave2thewage]

eversonpoe I forgot to say, merci for the compliments

http://s3-ec.buzzfed.com/static/enhanced/webdr05/2013/9/9/10/anigif_enhanced-buzz-31896-1378736139-5.gif

[pequena]

So I have the hots for a new cutie pie at work...but there's the rub - not only is it a work thing but I'm his BOSS. NOOOOOOO!

[slave2thewage]

So I have the hots for a new cutie pie at work...but there's the rub - not only is it a work thing but I'm his BOSS. NOOOOOOO!
Wear a short skirt and ask him if he wants a promotion whilst in an isolated storeroom...

[johnbron]

So I have the hots for a new cutie pie at work...but there's the rub - not only is it a work thing but I'm his BOSS. NOOOOOOO!
I've had nothing but trouble in the past when dating co-workers but I think you should go for it. (On-the-clock fucking)

[allegro]

Thanks all. Kris, sorry my response seemed a bit coarse. I'm sounding like a wounded animal lately. I'm very fragile when it comes to falling from this kind of height. I'm still picking up the pieces of me. Sure it heals with time but I am forever timid now about putting my feelings on the line like that. Not as open and carefree with it as I was before.
Dude, it was TOO SOON. You're not even divorced, yet! She probably saw the giant BEAMING SIGNALS shooting out of your head saying "Are you here to RESCUE me??" Don't take this too hard. It was a good thing because it served a purpose: It came along during a particularly hard period in your life, not too long after your wife told you she wanted out and right after you started battling cancer; it's nice to feel alive and with a pulse, again, even if it isn't meant to last. Each of these things are little steps forward, lessons we can use, all positive things. Don't focus too hard on the negative; it just wasn't good timing, and it wasn't meant to be, but it served a positive purpose. I'm glad she told you this NOW before waiting a lot longer. One step at a time, one girl at a time until you find "the one." Or maybe more than one, I dunno.

[Halo Infinity]

allegro - I REALLY needed that right now. Thank you for inadvertently reminding me to also not perceive such things that way too. I get that it can be easier said than done, and that the mind can play tricks with you, but what you said has also reminded me that it's still far better than being stuck with the wrong person in the long run. I still need to work on myself anyway. I've always heard that sometimes being productive and investing time in your interests can also help you recover. It's just so easy to forget sometimes though.

(I've got to admit that I'm prone to feel like it's the end of the world too, especially from being single and lonely, but still. What you said was like a little indirect pep talk to me, and I really appreciate it.) :)

[sentient02970]

Too soon?? Ive been separated from my wife for a year and a half. In that time she's celebrated a year anniversary with her boyfriend and I spent 6 months fighting my way out of cancer. I'm done watching life pass me by. This was the one good and solid thing in my life and then it dropped like an avalanche. Now I'm back to seeing life drip by. I'd rather have fucking cancer again than deal with this emotional bullshit. Divorce nor not. I'm done.

[allegro]

Just 2 months ago you were online searching for dates. There is a process to this dating thing and it can include this kind of bullshit. I understand how you may wanna stay away from dating for a while, though; dating has some suck aspects to it. for sure. You gotta kiss a lot of frogs ...

PLEASE, though, do NOT cite your estranged wife as an example of anything; she's a whole other story.

[Frozen Beach]

So, she broke up with me... after giving me the cold shoulder for 3 weeks while only offering the occasional cold conversation, she called me today and basically said "Hey... I want to break up with you." I talked her into speaking with me in person so we could figure it out. Basically what she told me is that she started dating me because I made her feel comfortable, but now she said she feels uncomfortable in a relationship. Then she said she wanted to still be friends. After that, I just couldn't take it anymore. Basically I told her the truth: she's been distance for three weeks, treated me rather coldly and then calls me out of the blue just to break up with me, then she wants to still be friends? And in person, she was smiling the entire time while breaking up with me. I'm sorry, but there's no way in hell I could be friends after that. Maybe in time she'll realize how cruel she's being, but as for right now, I'd rather be alone.

[sentient02970]

Frozen Beach. I'm so sorry. I know how this feels. I didn't even get the face to face. Just a text and an email. :(

[dlb]

Oh no, another bro I will be toasting to tonight! Sad to hear that guys, especially after you seemed so bright a few pages back! :(

[DF118]

So, she broke up with me...

To be honest, you're probably better off without. If this girl really has just attempted suicide, that's a big responsibility for you to be under anyway- and by the sound of things you've been the last to know. There's only so much you can give to a relationship before it has a detrimental effect on your own health and for a relationship to work you both have to be ready allow support from the other.

Unless she's just young and attention seeking, or acting out, in which case, can you really be bothered with that level of immaturity?

[Frozen Beach]

Thanks everyone. The most fucked up part about this situation is this happened two days before my birthday, and she knew this. So, I guess my birthday is going to suck.

[eversonpoe]

Thanks everyone. The most fucked up part about this situation is this happened two days before my birthday, and she knew this. So, I guess my birthday is going to suck.

you can still make your birthday wonderful. go do something you know you like with people who love you, and you will have a good time. stay strong. :: hug ::

[Dra508]

Thanks everyone. The most fucked up part about this situation is this happened two days before my birthday, and she knew this. So, I guess my birthday is going to suck.

All the more reason to get out and do something fun that you want to do for your birthday, your day. Don't spend it alone and moping.

[Pillfred]

All the more reason to get out and do something fun that you want to do for your birthday, your day. Don't spend it alone and moping.

But if you do, do it right. ;)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5cBSf59Ii8A&feature=youtube_gdata_player

[allegro]

I didn't even get the face to face. Just a text and an email. :(
WHAT!?!? That's juvenile and gutless. She's a dumb cunt, you just dodged a bullet.

[aggroculture]

My ex of three years left me on my birthday. Dumped me a few days prior, then physically moved out on the actual birthday itself.
I guess she was making her point.
I had a huge party with all my friends, it was awesome.

[sentient02970]

WHAT!?!? That's juvenile and gutless. She's a dumb cunt, you just dodged a bullet.

Right! Seriously!! W.T.F.?? Maybe she got burnt bad by other guys she got close to...but fuck, I pay the toll!

I'm trying to get my shit together. Lots of beer and climbed a damn mountain today. Maybe need to buy some Dio.

[Pillfred]

Right! Seriously!! W.T.F.?? Maybe she got burnt bad by other guys she got close to...but fuck, I pay the toll!

I'm trying to get my shit together. Lots of beer and climbed a damn mountain today. Maybe need to buy some Dio.

Be the man on the shiny blue mountain!

[allegro]

Right! Seriously!! W.T.F.?? Maybe she got burnt bad by other guys she got close to...but fuck, I pay the toll!

I'm trying to get my shit together. Lots of beer and climbed a damn mountain today. Maybe need to buy some Dio.
dude, you HAVE your shit together, SHE's the one who is fucked up (and very immature, and gutless).

My mother always says: Rejection is PROTECTION (from psychos).

[Halo Infinity]

I'm so sorry. I know how this feels. I didn't even get the face to face. Just a text and an email. :(
Not to make light of what you went through, but the mere thought of that makes me want to hit something. (Not that I actually would do that right now.) And yeah, @allegro (http://www.echoingthesound.org/community/member.php?u=76) put it the best. And that's why it's so fucked up to me too. Anyway, good to see that you're dealing with such things much better than I did.

I also just like how you're basically telling loneliness and despair to fuck off. (As you should in order to move on and get shit done.) :)

@aggroculture (http://www.echoingthesound.org/community/member.php?u=318) - Speaking off which, that was definitely an awesome post-breakup move there too. If I had the chance after something like that, I'd definitely do what I could to keep myself happy as all fuck. :)

[slave2thewage]

"We can still be friends" is probably the most hurtful combination of words on the planet. I understand WHY people say that during breakups, but it's like pouring acid on a cut.

[Halo Infinity]

I've been rejected with those words as well, and I'd have to completely agree with you. There's something about it that instantly makes me feel like shit on the exact moment it actually happens.

[Dra508]

But if you do, do it right. ;)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5cBSf59Ii8A&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Hahhaha. Love me some Henry.

In relationship news, two years later, I'm still not divorced FFS. I'll just say: soon.

[sentient02970]

Kris allegro Pillfred Dra508 you guys rock! Yes I finally closed things off with her with a voicemail tonight. I respect her enough not to shut off feelings with a text or email. She texted me saying she has a right to her feelings and got weird about me still not divorced (despite us talking about this on day one). Oh well its done. She's back out there on match.com. I unfriended her on FB. So long hurt.

[allegro]

So long hurt.
Good riddance! Block her number so she can't text you anymore.

[dlb]

"We can still be friends" is probably the most hurtful combination of words on the planet. I understand WHY people say that during breakups, but it's like pouring acid on a cut.

Most people don't seem to understand that friendship also requires a good amount of intimacy. In my world being friends can very well lead to a relationship and can be a solid foundation. Either way, what I gathered is that people who use that sentence most of the time do in fact have some sort of feeling for you but are scared shitless for whatever reason or something doesn't (yet) feel quite right. Sometimes they just like to retain their vague concept of being independent while still having some benefits of a relationship. Although that sentence pretty much strips away the special parts or let's say fun of it.

If there is one advice I'd like to hammer into people's minds about love and relationships it would be to never ever say this. It's the very start of awkward situations.

[allegro]

weird thing, though, is that I HAVE remained friends with a few exes. maybe it took a while to get there but it's possible, if you want.

[dlb]

Well, that is AFTER a relationship which is a bit different than being put into place with that line when you are only dating but yes, it is possible. I totally agree. You never know if the flame dies down eventually and if that happens to both involved and one can agree on seperating why not remain in contact? The frontiers have to be clearly set though. I know a friend whose exes became friends themselves which might sound very awkward but then again, if it works it works. No need to overthink it.

I still have very strong feelings for the last one and while I would want to get it back on track I can totally see a good friendship down the line aswell. But as you said, it takes time. And sometimes you have to get your ego out of the way too.

[playwithfire]

weird thing, though, is that I HAVE remained friends with a few exes. maybe it took a while to get there but it's possible, if you want.

I need that shit with my beau. I totally accept that shit will be weird when we break up one day, but the idea of losing him from my life is HORRIBLE. The idea of us just becoming awkward acquaintances is also horrible. I understand that that will probably be what happens for a while, maybe for a long time. I get that we'll need time and all that, but I really really want us to be close friends one day. I want to see all of the awesome shit he's going to do with his life and be there for him and still have him to reach out to and sigh. I want to believe that we mean enough to each other that we wouldn't let that slip away forever.

Also, most of our friends that we see regularly are mutual friends. Breaking up on decent terms matters.

[sentient02970]

Looks like we ended things on the right note. Even though I feel like a heel as it seems I did get way too involved way too quick and she clearly was not on the same page. At least we have an understanding and I really don't have any hard feelings. Enough of my issues on this, I don't want to derail the thread into "sentient02970's girl problems".

[vpintz]

Just booked the flight for sheepdean to visit. Awh yiss.

[Dra508]

Looks like we ended things on the right note. Even though I feel like a heel as it seems I did get way too involved way too quick and she clearly was not on the same page. At least we have an understanding and I really don't have any hard feelings. Enough of my issues on this, I don't want to derail the thread into "sentient02970's girl problems".I'm pretty sure that's the point of this thread.

I took my BF, who is not a concert goer at all, to Arctic Monkeys last night. I knew he was doing it just for me, but looking at him during the show - he was absorbing it all and fascinated by it all: the little club, the people, the music, the stage hands. Even noticed when the guitar tech we were standing near reacted in fear every time he handed up a guitar that got tuned again by one of the guys in the band. It's the little things. I'm just glad he doesn't like to play golf. :)

[botley]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eKkPv8qu8Ws

[sheepdean]

Just booked the flight for @sheepdean (http://www.echoingthesound.org/community/member.php?u=350) to visit. Awh yiss.
awwww yeah

[vpintz]

awwww yeah
I may or may not have a countdown app, counting down the time until you land in DSM.

Spoilers: I do.
(I will not apologize for us being cute as fuck. Sorry, not sorry.)

[Halo Infinity]

I was wondering what some people's take on being friends before lovers would be here. I actually get why some people say that you shouldn't be friends for too long before coming on to the other person, but is it really better for you to be friends first anyway?

Why, or why not? Some people have even told me to just not be friends and get on with the dating ASAP. (Oh, and in my case, me being bad at making and keeping friends doesn't help at all.) :p

[MONKEYlovesYOU]

Personally, I think a strong romantic relationship starts with building a solid foundation which to my would require starting out as friends and growing and evolving from there. The one relationship I'm in now, currently 6 years, is working out the best any relationship has been in my past is because how close I am to my SO. We were friends for a long time before we started dating. We became best friends then lovers. I wouldn't have it any other way. I think to date ASAP is foolish, as the old addage goes 'only fools rush in'...take your time...go slow...making love doesn't happen over night...

[playwithfire]

My twitter is the main source of my relationship gratuity, but thankfully my boyfriend and I (especially me) are both terrible people (https://scontent-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-frc3/1238331_10153247478300364_298155987_n.jpg), so.

[blackholesun]

Went on my first date in quite some time tonight. The conversation was great and I had no problem talking to her, but I was super awkward in pretty much every other aspect. I get super awkward and nervous meeting people 1 on 1 for the first time. Blah, I'm probably overthinking it. I have a lunch date on Saturday that I will try to fake being less of an awkward person.

[icklekitty]

I think it can go full circle. I think when you first meet someone, there's a little while where things could realistically slide into a relationship, if the spark/desire is there. But then it goes on for too long - you start to have the same friends, grow meaning to each other as friends - and you have something that you might sabotage. But THEN you get closer, over time, things become more solid, your relationship is less volatile. I can see how that can be a sensible ground for romance.

[eversonpoe]

I was wondering what some people's take on being friends before lovers would be here. I actually get why some people say that you shouldn't be friends for too long before coming on to the other person, but is it really better for you to be friends first anyway?

Why, or why not? Some people have even told me to just not be friends and get on with the dating ASAP. (Oh, and in my case, me being bad at making and keeping friends doesn't help at all.) :p

it has always been my opinion that a healthy relationship is a balance of three things:
1. love
2. sex
3. partnership (friendship)

if you don't have a healthy balance of all three, it's not going to be a healthy, long-lasting relationship.

[Halo Infinity]

Thank you for all the advice and suggestions. I really appreciate it. As for another question, when it comes to party girls or party guys, is it really true that they're most likely not after any serious relationship? And to top it off, if one is a loner, quiet, and a homebody, does that also kill your chances at dating somebody that loves to party, socialize, and travel? I think that's why one of my latest crushes was completely uninterested in me. I wasn't really a drinker either, and while I'm not a teetotaler either, I could very well be a straight-edge kind of guy, since I also don't smoke.

An example would be, let's say a geek/gamer trying to date a party girl or party guy. That normally doesn't work, does it? :p

And no offense to party-goers and drinkers, but I have a feeling that me being a homebody and a loner is sort of a killjoy to people that love to drink, party, socialize, and travel. (I only go out for things I need or really, really want, and usually occupy my spare time alone, or with a few good friends selectively, but most of them grew apart and/or moved by now. I'm also the kind of person that would rather invest more time and energy in making my home paradise as opposed to searching for paradise elsewhere. I've always been that way.) And yeah, I could be quiet sometimes for long periods of time, unless it's a really good topic that gets me going, or a topic I just love.

[Halo Infinity]

And dare I ask, do some drinkers also dislike quiet people? (I really mean this more in the dating world, since some or even lots of people actually dislike or even hate being around quiet people, drinker or non-drinker.)

[Wretchedest]

And dare I ask, do some drinkers also dislike quiet people? (I really mean this more in the dating world, since some or even lots of people actually dislike or even hate being around quiet people, drinker or non-drinker.)

i live with the kind of dichotomy your talking about here and it has mixed results that are only complicate by the fact that people can be really mercurial. If you are the type of person that likes to stay home and game all the time but they like to go out a lot. Theyll probaby see you as a buzzkill and might not even mention it. You might get jealous that they go out a lot and could get possessive. Im a huge nerd. My wife likes to party a lot but we have a balance that kind of barely allows it to work.i think the balance is somewhatvstrained, though because we have very few common interests. Its important that your main interests are shared.... Very important to the long term sustainability of a relationship, i think.

[Halo Infinity]

@Wretchedest (http://www.echoingthesound.org/community/member.php?u=107) - Or like, let's say I do go out but not really get into the dancing and drinking. But then, I was even told by that crush at the time to not even bother. It's cool to see that it still worked out for you though. Come to think of it, even the whole "being super selective" with friends things is a buzz=kill too right? I noticed that perhaps a partner like that would want to hang out spontaneously with whoever, whenever, and it does cut into me preferring to plan things ahead, while only being with a few people. (Since I prefer smaller groups when I actually socialize.) And being constantly on the go is a bit of a burden/chore for me.

Not that I'm against going out or traveling completely either, but I have to really crave it, and be comfortable.

[Wretchedest]

@Wretchedest (http://www.echoingthesound.org/community/member.php?u=107) - Or like, let's say I do go out but not really get into the dancing and drinking. But then, I was even told by that crush at the time to not even bother. It's cool to see that it still worked out for you though. Come to think of it, even the whole "being super selective" with friends things is a buzz=kill too right? I noticed that perhaps a partner like that would want to hang out spontaneously with whoever, whenever, and it does cut into me preferring to plan things ahead, while only being with a few people. (Since I prefer smaller groups when I actually socialize.) And being constantly on the go is a bit of a burden/chore for me.

Not that I'm against going out or traveling completely either, but I have to really crave it, and be comfortable.


Yeah that sounds really similar actually.

Even in that, I still like to go out here and there. once in a while, but when she comes a long I actually like it less because she's in a completely different mindset. like "do we have enough booze" "can we get more booze?" like if we're out to party i have to manage all of her various needs and desires, and essentially we just have different goals there. Some kind of congruency in things you guys like is really, really essential.

[Fixer808]

I have no idea WHAT the hell is going on with my ex and I. She's engaged, but we've had very x-rated chats lately, both on facebook messages and texts. Sure as fuck I'd love for her to ditch her fiancee and come back to me, but I dunno what's gonna happen. Those of you who know me on FB, please keep it on the DL, I don't want to jinx it.

[Nyx]

Would you really want to be with the sort of person who does that to someone she supposedly loves, though?

[frankie teardrop]

yeah, as nice as it is to still feel wanted by an ex, i always feel bad for "the other person"- unless of course that person is a liar, cheater, what have you, but even then, it's always kind of weird and unfair to them, even if you get what you want in the end.

i get it though, the scandal is sometimes half the fun and obviously, ending a relationship can take time to orchestrate, but yeah... tread carefully here Fixer808.

[sentient02970]

OK, let's give this another shot :/

[Dra508]

OK, let's give this another shot :/
The dating pool or the particular lady?


Fixer808 - I'm only taking a wild guess here, but your X could be getting cold feet about getting married and hooking up could be a way out for her. It's cowardly - Let me tell you, but not unheard of. OR- maybe she wants to make sure she's really still attractive to other men even though she's signing up to be with just one. I can think up a couple other reasons , but maybe just asking her directly "what's going on here?"

[sentient02970]

Testing the pool water with my toes.

[Fixer808]

Yeah, I really don't know. I feel like she's wanting out, but I can't be certain, she told me that "I don't know if I'm coming or going right now, things are kinda fucked up". Plus I hate the guy, total douchebag, controlling. But carefully shall I tread.

[Fixer808]

Yep, she isn't happy at all, she's thinking of moving in with her folks. The last time anybody ate her out was me, a year and a half ago, he won't do it. WTF?! WHY NOT?? It's so much fun!

[Fixer808]

Fortune favours the bold. Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead.

[eversonpoe]

i feel like, in a relationship, it's rare to find a partner who is going to enjoy every single thing that you do in the bedroom...but if you enjoy receiving oral sex, and you're with a partner who doesn't enjoy giving it, i feel like that's a pretty big deal.

[Dra508]

Fortune favours the bold. Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead.
Be supportive, but know that you probably are an exit relationship. I mean you did say she was your X.

I'm trying to make a legal X and it's taking longer then Ashton and Demi - what the fuck - I don't have that much money!

[dlb]

Yep, she isn't happy at all, she's thinking of moving in with her folks. The last time anybody ate her out was me, a year and a half ago, he won't do it. WTF?! WHY NOT?? It's so much fun!

Guess he doesn't know what he's missing out on....

Funny thing is that when feelings are involved my craving for oral sex goes through the roof and I'm shocked how many lovely ladies are out there who are cleary with the wrong guy. Tsss... Not so much a fan of blowjobs though but that might be with all the things one doesn't like: not having had a good one yet. Then again, I get off thinking about it, but when it's done on me I seem to get nothing out of it. I might have a problem with letting loose.

[playwithfire]

The last time anybody ate her out was me, a year and a half ago, he won't do it. WTF?! WHY NOT?? It's so much fun!

That's horrifying and tragic. That would be a flat out dealbreaker with me. I honestly can't be with anybody that doesn't flat out love it.

I'm picky about being clean and shit, so I'm not always down for it, but I don't want to have to want it, if that makes any sense. I've been with people with that dynamic and it was awful.

Also, I DEFINITELY reciprocate. I really need to go down on my boyfriend more. I'll fix that. I have a tendency to skip foreplay (for both of us, like, let's just fuck) sometimes depending on various factors.

Also, based on feedback I give really good head, so I should keep my skills up.

[playwithfire]

I seriously thought this was the Fucking thread, whoops!

[Halo Infinity]

I almost forgot which thread I was in for a moment too. :p

[Halo Infinity]

Oh, and I think I forgot to ask this before, but is it generally a bad idea to try to have a serious relationship with a party person? Most people have told me to steer clear so far, and have even considered it to be bad news, or just flat-out pointless.

[frankie teardrop]

that's more up to how you can handle it. you can hope she'll slow down over time, but i wouldn't expect her to change, nor should you force it if that's how she wants to live her life. if you're a more introverted, stay at home type (correct me if i'm wrong, but i have that impression from various posts on the board), then would you feel ok with her being out every night and leaving you behind? it basically boils down to trust, and how fundamental your lifestyle differences are.

i'd stay steer clear, but if you're able to reconcile the two, then stranger things have worked out...

[Halo Infinity]

frankie teardrop - I hope you can bear with me, as I rambled a lot longer than I intended/expected to again. It's still something else though, but I guess it goes to show just how much I keep to myself in real life sometimes, yet also shows that I can't seem to STFU when there's a good conversation going. ;)

I would actually try to hang with her though. I had something like that sort of happen in real life though. We didn't go beyond friends, or even acquaintances, and we seemed to hit it off well at the start. But when I asked what it was like to club, and asked to just basically chill on the sidelines while chatting with her whenever she's in the mood so, she just kept declining. It didn't seem to make her comfortable, especially when she knew I wasn't into drinking and dancing.

And just to be sure, such differences can be barriers even if you don't intend to make them barriers right? It just seemed to deter her and from the looks of it, she would've been more encouraging if I was into drinking and dancing. And not to be snobbish, but I like meaningful conversations too, and I noticed that even if it's socializing, it's probably a bore for some party people. And while I do have a sense of humor, I don't really do that whole, "You crack jokes at me, I crack jokes at you back." game. I noticed that lots, if not all/some party-goers are into the kind of banter, and I suck at it.

And come to think of it, I've heard and read that trying to talk in a nightclub is one of the worst things to do. (Which I could get with the noise and what-not, even if some clubs have places to sit, or even lie down.)

She also loves to travel a lot, and what topped it all off for me was that she wants to leave New York City altogether, and I'm just too attached to NYC, aside from being the introverted and stay at home type. (And yes, you're right about that too.) I also think what drove her away from me could've been that I was coming on too strong, and that I didn't get the hints she wasn't interested in me, and never came onto me to start with. I expected her to directly tell me that she wasn't interested... so yeah... I could see how I kept screwing up there big time.

My goodness that was long, but that's what happened after a few failed attempts to get to know her better. (As I also tried to bond with her on Facebook too.) I don't think she even wanted to hang out with me as a friend in the first place, especially after she noticed that my lifestyle didn't match hers. Even me being a non-smoker and a non-drinker mad her feel bad. And I didn't even condemn or insult her drinking or smoking.

She also tried to get me to attend a NIN concert with her too, which I couldn't attend at the time, but then admitted to me that she was only being nice the whole time. (I became one of those guys that mistook nice and friendly for flirty. So yeah, I'll certainly admit that was one huge error of judgement on my part too.)

[Fixer808]

Be supportive, but know that you probably are an exit relationship. I mean you did say she was your X.
One can hope! I'll stick with cautious optimism, but I appreciate your advice :)

[vpintz]

so yeah i'm stealing sheepdean for, like, a month. he lands in my city tomorrow night and I'm so excited :'D

[sentient02970]

Surprise date night! :D

[johnbron]

We've passed three months as a couple now. It may not sound like much but I'm so damn excited and optimistic about our future together. Everything, and I mean everything has been perfect so far and there doesn't seem to be anything in our way. I'm finally over the fact that this is actually happening to me and I smile more every day because of her. In less than two weeks I'll be taking my girls up to stay with her and her kids for a weekend. It's going to be a crazy and fun time and they're SO HAPPY about it. <3

[sentient02970]

That went really super well. :)

[Halo Infinity]

I think this will hopefully be the last for now of the many questions I have in relationships. And well, I never experienced one just to let you all know, so that could hopefully help you understand why relationships have also been quite the intriguing, perplexing, and overall curious topic for me.

So, as for my latest question regarding relationships, is it really more common and normal for the man to relocate and travel in a long-distance relationship? I don't think I've ever seen a case in real life where a woman traveled or relocated to be with a man. Is it just one of those things that's generally expected and accepted?

(Not that I'm trying to say anything bad about women either. I most likely didn't have to state that, but still am considering how easy it is to misconstrue words on the Internet.) :p

But yes, I've seen and heard of men driving, or taking planes to women they'd have a long-distance relationship with, but not the other way around most of the time in real life. And not to say that it never happens either, but it was one of those things that seemed to be completely unheard of to me in real life. And even if I've seen and heard of the woman traveling, the man seemed to move around a lot more.

I also didn't hear and see that much of women relocating. There were some exceptions though, but it seemed like more men moved to women.

[dlb]

I have a couple of friends who moved to where their boyfriend lives and not the other way around. But I also made the same observation as you did when it comes to long distance relationships.

Personally I did visit my ex-girlfriend way more often than she did visit me. Why was that? She had a much more solid job with strictly planned holidays so she couldn't make a spontaneous trip like I could, plus she doesn't like where I live. Since I always took it as a nice vacation I ended up coming to see her much more. Another sad fact might be that guys still generally earn a bit more than women although that shouldn't keep women from visiting their s/o.

Then again, if I get along well with my girls family/flat mates or feel good at their place in general, that's when I tend to spend more time there than my crib.

[eversonpoe]

I think this will hopefully be the last for now of the many questions I have in relationships. And well, I never experienced one just to let you all know, so that could hopefully help you understand why relationships have also been quite the intriguing, perplexing, and overall curious topic for me.

So, as for my latest question regarding relationships, is it really more common and normal for the man to relocate and travel in a long-distance relationship? I don't think I've ever seen a case in real life where a woman traveled or relocated to be with a man. Is it just one of those things that's generally expected and accepted?

(Not that I'm trying to say anything bad about women either. I most likely didn't have to state that, but still am considering how easy it is to misconstrue words on the Internet.) :p

But yes, I've seen and heard of men driving, or taking planes to women they'd have a long-distance relationship with, but not the other way around most of the time in real life. And not to say that it never happens either, but it was one of those things that seemed to be completely unheard of to me in real life. And even if I've seen and heard of the woman traveling, the man seemed to move around a lot more.

I also didn't hear and see that much of women relocating. There were some exceptions though, but it seemed like more men moved to women.

i don't think it's at all a gender-specific thing. i think there are way too many factors involved to generalize it like that.

[Dra508]

i don't think it's at all a gender-specific thing. i think there are way too many factors involved to generalize it like that.

True.

My brother moved for a woman from NY to ATL, when he got there - she broke up with him. :(

I'm in a long distance relationship right now and it works for us. We both have jobs that can done anywhere so me going to him or visa versa is only controlled by money, travel for work, and our family schedules. I would be more likely to move to where he is, in a year or so. His roots are deep, mine are not.

[Halo Infinity]

i don't think it's at all a gender-specific thing. i think there are way too many factors involved to generalize it like that.
Thank goodness I asked and considered it. I also wondered because most men I've known sometimes tell me how it's always up to the man to make the first move and do this and do that, but I just couldn't shake the idea that it was also a very stereotypical way to look at it.

[allegro]

i don't think it's at all a gender-specific thing. i think there are way too many factors involved to generalize it like that.
I moved to Chicago to date a guy. He ended up being a total dick but I'm still here.

[sentient02970]

She's dumping two other guys to continue going forward with me...wow, already? It was just flowers, cripes.

[eversonpoe]

Thank goodness I asked and considered it. I also wondered because most men I've known sometimes tell me how it's always up to the man to make the first move and do this and do that, but I just couldn't shake the idea that it was also a very stereotypical way to look at it.

yeah, i mean...that's all part of the misogynistic and overtly sexist nature of modern society. it's the same stuff in which rape culture and so many other horrible things are rooted.

in my opinion, it's up to the man (in a straight, cis relationship) to respect his partner and work things out with her. that's it. the most important aspect of a relationship is partnership (one of the three pillars that i discussed earlier). love & sex without partnership aren't going to work out in the long term.

[Dra508]

She's dumping two other guys to continue going forward with me...wow, already? It was just flowers, cripes.Lulz. Don't you feel special.



+I'm going to get popcorn :)

[theimage13]

Holy fucking fuck.

A relationship.

I might be on the verge of having one.

[Halo Infinity]

I reconsidered some of the questions I wanted to ask, and thought of keeping this as direct and succinct as possible, considering how verbose posts can get easily glossed over.

1. Am I only fooling myself if I try to be friends with a woman, while still wanting more? Does it ever work, or does that mean it's time for me to go?

2. I should never expect a woman to simply and directly tell me that she's not interested, right? (I got too used to expecting that.)

3. If I'm never, or barely receiving any more responses via Internet/phone anymore, is that also a huge hint that she's not interested?

4. And in regards to my first question, it's neither desirable or advisable for me to be friends with a woman when I still yearn for much more than friendship, right? (This happened to me about 3 times in my life, and this question is also assuming that she never came on to me, nor had any intention to come on to me.)

[Pillfred]

1. Perhaps, unless you can accept it.

2. Depends I would think on whether or not you made these feelings clear.

3. Possibly, but if she's unaware, it may just be general day to day. However it could point to number 2.

4. See 1. Though for your sake it may be wise to shelf it.

Most importantly imo is, that chances are there will be someone else to peek your interest in the future.

I'm very tired and mostly speaking from what I think I have found out for myself.

[sentient02970]

Lulz. Don't you feel special.



+I'm going to get popcorn :)
LOL
"Like sands through the hourglass.."

[Dra508]

LOL
"Like sands through the hourglass.."Hee Hee

I was thinking more Bold and The Beautiful but, ok, a story is a story.





I keed I keed. Only want the best for you, Green Mountain Boy.

[Halo Infinity]

4. See 1. Though for your sake it may be wise to shelf it.
I've figured that I might as well shelf it. And as you could've noticed, I'm terrible at receiving and interpreting hints, as it has lead me to believe that the straight-shooter approach is far less painful and confusing. One of them even told me to stop writing her, and to not even respond. She eventually unfriended me on Facebook, which was most likely a big fuck off to me without actually saying fuck off. Anyway, thanks for the reminders, as I sometimes forget to keep my head straight on matters like these.

And yes, it would certainly be completely foolish of me to do the opposite of shelving it, or to just let go of her altogether, if that's what you also mean.

[Pillfred]

I guess what I meant was that if you're still gonna be crushing on the girl or whatever and she's not into it, and you would like to stay friends giving it time may be wise.

As for hints, I'm past the cromagnon stage at this point in my life, (ladies no longer need to crown me to break my tunnel vision n) but I'm not the best either at picking up on things. So I can kinda wrelate I think.

[pigpen]

someone asked me tonight why I never/currently don't have a girlfriend..
to which I replied:
"I have this laundry list of things wrong with me that makes me think "Eh, it's not worth the shitty feelings when they find out truly what a pile of shit I am"

I think that may be the most honest answer I've ever given to that question.

[Charmingly Miserable]

Ok. So here is my rant: I'm a 32 divorced single mom. I live in Palm Springs, which means if you are not a gay male or anyone over 45, your shit out of luck on meeting anyone. I'm not hideously ugly and the single guys that are available are not my type or vice versa. FML....

.....end of rant.

[rhet]

got a date this week for the first time in a while..pretty excited :D

EDIT: its been cancelled now. ah well.

[Pillfred]

Ok. So here is my rant: I'm a 32 divorced single mom. I live in Palm Springs, which means if you are not a gay male or anyone over 45, your shit out of luck on meeting anyone. I'm not hideously ugly and the single guys that are available are not my type or vice versa. FML....

.....end of rant.

I can sort of relate, I work mainly with college kids young ones at that, I'm 35. Most my friends my age live elsewhere and have been paired off for some time anyway. Oh well it can't stay bleak for long right? If a bridge troll such a myself can have success intermittently I'm sure you'll as well as most others will be fine as well.

rhet Grats on the date!

[miss k bee]

Woah weird shit mad interest from guys on the internet dating and singles front - not used to this level of interest.


I am very cynical.

[ryanp16]

In two months I'll have been single for three years. Time flies, eh? Wouldn't even mind too much but in that time I've had no physical contact with a woman that I enjoyed (quite the opposite) and I'm starting to really miss the awesome simple things of a relationship.

[Charmingly Miserable]

I can sort of relate, I work mainly with college kids young ones at that, I'm 35. Most my friends my age live elsewhere and have been paired off for some time anyway. Oh well it can't stay bleak for long right? If a bridge troll such a myself can have success intermittently I'm sure you'll as well as most others will be fine as well.

@rhet (http://www.echoingthesound.org/community/member.php?u=2633) Grats on the date!
Oh, yeah. I work in an elementary school and there are no hot dads there! If I don't go outside of the Coachella Valley (where I live), then its virtually impossible to meet someone that I'm into. Living in SoCal, I find it hard for me to find someone- I'm like one in a gazillion single Hispanic girls. lol

[slave2thewage]

I am really missing this guy from 2010 that I was hugely into. Like, he's kind of my "one that got away", but lately it's just been weird dreams about him and stuff. We've had a... complicated relationship over the last few years.

This may also be a side effect of being stupidly ill from a chest infection, plus a long dry spell and the fact that he was the greatest lay I ever had.

[eversonpoe]

I am really missing this guy from 2010 that I was hugely into. Like, he's kind of my "one that got away", but lately it's just been weird dreams about him and stuff. We've had a... complicated relationship over the last few years.

This may also be a side effect of being stupidly ill from a chest infection, plus a long dry spell and the fact that he was the greatest lay I ever had.

feel better!

i still have extremely vivid dreams about my abusive ex, wherein we're just back in our regular relationship. often times, my dreams are so realistic that i wake up thinking they're real. it's really unsettling to think i'm still in a relationship with her, even for a few minutes.

[sentient02970]

Getting over the fact that she has a lot of close guy friends (she's in the military). It is the 2000's and yes men and women mix in the workplace and teams. It's bound to happen and it typically is a very good thing. I do trust her and won't bug her about it but I do need to get over my old-school thinking.

[allegro]

Yeah, really dude. For most of my life, my best friends have been guys; I just seemed to get along a lot better with males than with females. This only recently changed in my old age. I've never been in the military, though.

[Charmingly Miserable]

Okay, so I was crying over the fact that I really am alone.... I spent my whole 20s being in a relationship. I just hate not having someone give a damn about me and the companionship. I really miss that. Someone date me!!! (Maybe.....lol)

[ryanp16]

Okay, so I was crying over the fact that I really am alone.... I spent my whole 20s being in a relationship. I just hate not having someone give a damn about me and the companionship. I really miss that. Someone date me!!! (Maybe.....lol)

I relate. Though I think at this stage I've gotten to the point where I really don't care. I may be pretty lonely but at the same time I think I've just gotten used to it. Then again I'm only 21, so can't really say much.

[Dra508]

Getting over the fact that she has a lot of close guy friends (she's in the military). It is the 2000's and yes men and women mix in the workplace and teams. It's bound to happen and it typically is a very good thing. I do trust her and won't bug her about it but I do need to get over my old-school thinking.


Yeah, really dude. For most of my life, my best friends have been guys; I just seemed to get along a lot better with males than with females. This only recently changed in my old age. I've never been in the military, though.I've been THAT girl. And for the girl, err woman, it's easy being friends with men. But, I am now coming to understand that for guys it's more complex, discomfort with women being friends with guys and actually being friends with women. Guys would say to me in respect to this topic: 'it's always about sex, if we're friends with you we'd have sex with you'. So, I sort of get your insecurity on it, but for woman I don't think we think to the end of that - we are happy flirting and interacting with men and not even thinking that we'd sleep with you. Any how, I'm way more aware of it now. Especially when I recall my x telling me it took him years to feel secure in our relationship, probably because I was friends with so many men among a gagillion other things

[slave2thewage]

Slight moment of levity, but this is seriously what I should put into my online dating profiles because they're seriously my favourite things:

http://media.tumblr.com/5f42469bb9558acd8a3164929eca6e65/tumblr_inline_mtyztiYUX21qzz9oz.gif

[theimage13]

Holy fucking fuck.

A relationship.

I might be on the verge of having one.

Nope, nevermind.

[ryanp16]

Nope, nevermind.

:( What happened?

[DF118]

someone asked me tonight why I never/currently don't have a girlfriend..
to which I replied:
"I have this laundry list of things wrong with me that makes me think "Eh, it's not worth the shitty feelings when they find out truly what a pile of shit I am"

I think that may be the most honest answer I've ever given to that question.

Unless you get an equally shitty girlfriend. Problem solved!

[theimage13]

:( What happened?

Most likely: I once again failed to find that spot between playing it so cool that you don't seem interested, and being too nice to the point of making things feel rushed (I inevitably lean towards the latter).

[allegro]

I've been THAT girl. And for the girl, err woman, it's easy being friends with men. But, I am now coming to understand that for guys it's more complex, discomfort with women being friends with guys and actually being friends with women. Guys would say to me in respect to this topic: 'it's always about sex, if we're friends with you we'd have sex with you'. So, I sort of get your insecurity on it, but for woman I don't think we think to the end of that - we are happy flirting and interacting with men and not even thinking that we'd sleep with you. Any how, I'm way more aware of it now. Especially when I recall my x telling me it took him years to feel secure in our relationship, probably because I was friends with so many men among a gagillion other things

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i8kpYm-6nuE

[pigpen]

Unless you get an equally shitty girlfriend. Problem solved!

Fucking down is the name of the game!

[Halo Infinity]

I'm just in awe as to how infatuation doesn't make sense, yet sometimes has an enormous hold on my heart. I caught myself feeling that way again after finding out a woman I liked that didn't like me back will be attending the same NIN concert. Bumping into her would be awkward. It's weird though, because it feels like a break-up when nothing even happened to start with sometimes. I know this isn't exactly a happy and relaxed post, but I wanted to get it off my chest in hopes of discussing infatuation. (As I'd like to see how others dealt with it, and what they thought of it.)

[Halo Infinity]

This is just another thought that occurred to me concerning relationships and dating, and I think I've made my mind up on hints. I don't know how to deal with them, and I do believe that they can sometimes hurt far more than being direct, especially when it comes to rejections.

Even a good, "No offense, but dating you wasn't even on mind." would suffice as opposed to not having any responses. I wouldn't snap at a comment like that. The only thing that would truly drive me mad is just not knowing. I just felt like getting that out there. I don't think I'd even like hints in a relationship too. However, I still think me not being that much of a fan of surprises kills it for some people. (Most surprises I've experienced in life weren't that good to start with. I'm a bit soured on surprises. The good/great surprises are far and few between for me.)

I've also mentioned surprises because hints and surprises seem to be very much connected. :p

[ryanp16]

I'm just in awe as to how infatuation doesn't make sense, yet sometimes has an enormous hold on my heart. I caught myself feeling that way again after finding out a woman I liked that didn't liked me back will be attending the same NIN concert. Bumping into her would be awkward. It's weird though, because it feels like a break-up when nothing even happened to start with sometimes. I know this isn't exactly a happy and relaxed post, but I wanted to get it off my chest in hopes of discussing infatuation. (As I'd like to see how others dealt with it, and what they thought of it.)


This is just another thought that occurred to me concerning relationships and dating, and I think I've made my mind up on hints. I don't know how to deal with them, and I do believe that they can sometimes hurt far more than being direct, especially when it comes to rejections.

Even a good, "No offense, but dating you wasn't even on mind." would suffice as opposed to not having any responses. I wouldn't snap at a comment like that. The only thing that would truly drive me mad is just not knowing. I just felt like getting that out there. I don't think I'd even like hints in a relationship too. However, I still think me not being that much of a fan of surprises kills it for some people. (Most surprises I've experienced in life weren't that good to start with. I'm a bit soured on surprises. The good/great surprises are far and few between for me.)

I've also mentioned surprises because hints and surprises seem to be very much connected. :p

I know what you mean. Reminds me of a gig I was at a few months back. I went with a girl I was pretty interested in. I had reason to believe the feeling was mutual as well. Anyway, just before the headliners came on I saw her texting whom I'm assuming was her boyfriend, based on what I saw out of the corner of my eye (I wasn't purposely reading her texts). I ended up being on a downer for the rest of the gig. Sucks.

On the other hand though things didn't actually get awkward. I just kinda got on with it.

[Halo Infinity]

Anyway, just before the headliners came on I saw her texting whom I'm assuming was her boyfriend, based on what I saw out of the corner of my eye (I wasn't purposely reading her texts). I ended up being on a downer for the rest of the gig. Sucks.
Oh fuck, damn. And I thought the off-chance of bumping into the woman I that turned me down and rejected me even on friendship level was bad. She shortly unfriended me on Facebook after I let her know what I felt about her. I'm also willing to admit how I might've looked creepy, as I have a tendency to come on strong without even realizing it due to being used to expressing myself directly whenever I'm not being silent.

Anyway, yeah, I could also see myself feeling like shit even if it was a NIN concert. Not to mock or make light of your past experience, but this makes me feel better going to the NIN show alone without her even if she is going. It would've been worse if I got that close only to get rejected, especially if she was taken and/or wasn't being completely honest about it.

(Not that the one you were with was lying, or leading you on. But then again, it is easy to get lead on even if nothing is said or suggested/implied.) As for the one I've been talking about, I also wonder if she's been on ETS, as I've invited her to go here before. I seriously doubt it though.

[ryanp16]

Although to be fair at least with it being a NIN gig you can be like "Yes Trent, sing about how I feel in the finest detail!" ;)

[Halo Infinity]

@ryanp16 (http://www.echoingthesound.org/community/member.php?u=3511) - My bad, I almost forgot about that. And right back at you with the: ;) These are by far my top two songs for that very mood. (That is, aside from Something I Can Never Have and Hurt.) :p When infatuation REALLY gets me down, I make sure to BLAST the FUCK out of these songs. :D


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LYjKlhy0GKc


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SclacP4-gg

[ryanp16]

:D After my last break up pretty much all I listened to was That's What I Get. Good times!!

[ryanp16]

I guess what I meant was that if you're still gonna be crushing on the girl or whatever and she's not into it, and you would like to stay friends giving it time may be wise.


You may also discover that after giving it time that you don't care about being friends any more.

[Indefinite_Cure]

I was engaged for 4 years, more as a symbol of love than as a religious symbol, symbol that meant "I love you, I will not harm you, I will not let you down"

I am not anymore today...and we're not married

And there she was saying "together no matter what happens"

ooh...the fucking pain

[slave2thewage]

I should not be allowed near phones when drunk. Ugh.

[slave2thewage]

Update: while I am wallowing in shame, my lecturer informed me before the classes started is that we somehow have ANOTHER GAY this year. I was all "pfff, I'll quiz the bitch on their Gaga knowledge". I went to the bathroom, and when I came out there was the most stunning guy I've seen in, like, years. I don't know if it's him, but I like to think so. Time to dress like a man-ho again.

[Halo Infinity]

It obviously happens to both genders, but I never knew why it's not as stereotypically blown up with males. I just realized that I've fallen under the trap of wanting somebody because she didn't want me at all. I know it doesn't make sense, but when I came to my senses, that what it really boils to. It is the "We all want what we can never have." combined with, "Oh, I have to have her. Something fucking awesome must be awaiting me if I manage to work my way around her."

But of course, such delusions make me fall flat on my face. :p

What would be truly creepy and awkward would be if I made it only to regret it. Has the ever happened to you before, whenever you were obsessed? Especially with the CHASE more than the actual CATCH? I almost completely forgot that precise part of the addiction.

[sentient02970]

She "accidentally" sprayed her perfume on my pillow before leaving my place Sunday morning. She's pretty proud of herself. It's gonna be a long week...or so.

[Charmingly Miserable]

It obviously happens to both genders, but I never knew why it's not as stereotypically blown up with males. I just realized that I've fallen under the trap of wanting somebody because she didn't want me at all. I know it doesn't make sense, but when I came to my senses, that what it really boils to. It is the "We all want what we can never have." combined with, "Oh, I have to have her. Something fucking awesome must be awaiting me if I manage to work my way around her."

But of course, such delusions make me fall flat on my face. :p

What would be truly creepy and awkward would be if I made it only to regret it. Has the ever happened to you before, whenever you were obsessed? Especially with the CHASE more than the actual CATCH? I almost completely forgot that precise part of the addiction.
I know what you mean. How do you know that you can't have her?

I'm kinda in the same situation. I have been friends with this guy for 2+ years. I've always had a thing for him and now it's driving me crazy. I want to tell him how I feel but I don't want to ruin our friendship. We were with each other for my birthday over the summer. Now, it's his birthday this week and I want to tell him but I'm so scared!!!! However, if I don't tell him, I don't think I will ever get over him. Ugh..... I hate this.

[Halo Infinity]

I know what you mean. How do you know that you can't have her?
It was at the exact moment she said the following things to me in bold on Facebook.

Stop writing me! Don't even respond! Just stop! It's inappropriate!

I was always nice to you, but I never came on to you.

And after confessing the feelings I've had for her, she just deleted me off her friend list without any explanation whatsoever. She would also decline any invitation or request to be invited. This also included real conversations. She came across as very distant and apathetic. Her first hint was probably never responding to me to start with. She seemed more talkative in real life though, but when it came to the Internet, it's as if she hates writing. I think that should've been the first and biggest hint for her disinterest as she didn't want to have any real conversations with me.

And to hopefully give you an understanding as to how our personalities might've clashed, she's the party girl, and I was the geek/nerd/loner compared to her socially. She also loved hanging out in large groups, while I preferred smaller groups or just one-on-one discussions. She loved to travel, and I was, and still am a homebody. She also seems to have multiple men that she parties with, and several of them even give her rides and buy her drinks, including her ex. (In a way, it's like the lonesome geek/nerd trying to get a date with a very popular cheerleader in high school. I never really fit in anywhere all my life anyway, as I'm also very selective and cautious with the company I choose to be with.)

Which also reminds me that her ex would obviously have a far greater chance at ending up with her, as opposed to me. I'm like less than leftovers/chopped liver to her, especially compared to those other men. It just took me a very long time to accept that. I also invited her to ETS as she is a huge fan of Nine Inch Nails and Tool, but I seriously doubt that she checks this place out, even there was a chance she might've entered it a few times when I posted the URL on her wall/inbox at Facebook.

Oh yes, and she also wanted me to most likely be one of the guys to drive her places, but I wasn't and still not into driving that much even though I currently have my driver's license. She even tried to shame/guilt me into driving, as well as drinking alcohol, since that was also a huge part of her partying lifestyle. She felt judged by me just because I wasn't a party guy. Which reminds me that she also seemed to be pissed when I didn't got to NJ with her to see NIN. I just didn't have the money, and I normally stay in NYC. As a homebody, I just prefer to stay in the same place. I don't even attend concerts regularly like she does, and when I attended concerts, almost all of them were in the NYC area, with perhaps one Long Island show for NIN, but was lucky enough to have a ride at the time.

I really don't like leaving the NYC area and just prefer to stay around Queens and Manhattan only. She also didn't like that I had a hard time telling whether she was joking or being mean. Which is also ironic since she sometimes acted very sarcastic, arrogant, and passive-aggressive, yet played the victim whenever I pointed out those observations.

She also interpreted my reserved nature, and overall selective and cautious approach to friendship to be very snooty and snobbish, even though she was the one that was trying to go great lengths to change me in the first place. I readily accepted her for who and what she was. Oh yes, and she also wants to eventually leave NYC and I don't... so that also ruined any other chances I had. I didn't say anything distasteful to her though, but I'm sure she was frustrated that I didn't immediately understand that a serious relationship was completely out of the question for her. She even told me that boyfriends are overrated.


I'm kinda in the same situation. I have been friends with this guy for 2+ years. I've always had a thing for him and now it's driving me crazy. I want to tell him how I feel but I don't want to ruin our friendship. We were with each other for my birthday over the summer. Now, it's his birthday this week and I want to tell him but I'm so scared!!!! However, if I don't tell him, I don't think I will ever get over him. Ugh..... I hate this.
I suppose as long as he's warming up to you and intends to be close and not being distant, uncommunicative, and cold, your chances could be a lot wider, and you could end up fine. But regardless, I still see how risky that is, because you never know. It's very easy for things to get very weird and awkward in a very horrible way after opening up such thoughts and feelings, with the other person getting severely freaked out.

Anyway, I've answered this the best I can, and I hope it wasn't a pain for you to read. That was by far my latest experience with infatuation. :p

[sentient02970]

Kris, sorry you had to deal with that kind of disappointment in, of all places, Facebook. You should feel at least good that you made the effort and you won't regret not doing so. It's always very hard to read where others are at. I'm trying to commit myself and her to making sure both of us are very open about that going forward with this one. Otherwise, things can get a bit messed up and bad assumptions get made. Getting to the point of realizing it just ain't gonna happen is freeing and depressing at the same time.

[Halo Infinity]

Thank you for your understanding. In the meantime, I'm just thankful to have Pretty Hate Machine and The Fragile. Select songs like Reptile, Hurt, Every Day Is Exactly The Same, and Non-Entity help too. :D

And freeing is also right. I noticed that I felt trapped, confused, and afraid, and it would also be a horrible idea/experience to be with somebody that would make me feel that way in the first place. Oh, and for the record, we did meet in real life before as we used to work in the same workplace. I got to know her because I noticed she was a fan of Nine Inch Nails and Tool, so that was a way for me to strike up a conversation at the time.

Looking back now, it's funny yet awkward how she messed with me when she borrowed Closure and Beside You In Time from me as she pretended to "steal" both videos as a way to get me to chase her. She even playfully shoved herself against me as a means to mess with me from getting food from a vending machine right away. :p

Oh, and well, she thankfully didn't actually steal them as she eventually returned them back, but all of that stuff was really a mind-fuck at the time. She even invited me to get drunk at her place, or any place outside where intoxication was permitted. This was while she had a boyfriend too. I tried to reconnect with her when she wasn't taken anymore, but as I've already mentioned, her interest in me had completely waned by then.

[Halo Infinity]

sentient02970 - I hope you caught all of that as I have a tendency to sometimes write an incomplete thought and then revise like a motherfucker. Anyway, I'm just grateful that you understand where I was coming from. This really has been a great year on ETS for me, despite that huge chunk of a gap I had since spring. :)

[sentient02970]

Kris yep got it all now. No worries. As best I can tell:good riddance! Glad its going well for you now. ETS can be kind of awesome that way. :)

[Charmingly Miserable]

Anyway, I've answered this the best I can, and I hope it wasn't a pain for you to read. That was by far my latest experience with infatuation. :p
Thanks for sharing. This girl sounds like she is not the one for you. Sorry, dear. You deserve better. If you are ever in SoCal, hit me up. I love "geek/nerd/loners" into NIN, etc. ;)

As for me, I'm planning to show up at my Man of Interest's house on Friday night and surprise him with some birthday gifts: a painting that I painted, a poem that I wrote and an Oasis promo postcard set. Do you think that's too much?

[Pillfred]

So i decided to give the okcupid a go a while back. Other than one lady i chatted with for a couple days before she went awol it's been slim pickin's. It would seem if i lived either in the Cities or Wisconsin I may have better luck as it appears of the ladies that have "visited" it's always ones from no where near here that seem ok. Im not hugely invested in it but it still is kind of annoying.

In the real world i thought i may have a go with one of the girls i worked with at my last job but it appears she just broke up with her boyfriend whom she still lives with and hasn't quiet gotten herself settled. That said she is pretty cool so maybe well hang out some if i ever get time again. I'm betting on a long solo winter filled with long hours in the kitchen. But maybe one of the girls at my new job won't mind a dating a spastic line cook for a while. Obla di obla da ...

[Halo Infinity]

Thanks for sharing. This girl sounds like she is not the one for you. Sorry, dear. You deserve better. If you are ever in SoCal, hit me up. I love "geek/nerd/loners" into NIN, etc. ;)

As for me, I'm planning to show up at my Man of Interest's house on Friday night and surprise him with some birthday gifts: a painting that I painted, a poem that I wrote and an Oasis promo postcard set. Do you think that's too much?
I've figured as long as he's into you and enjoys your company, he'd most likely love it. That sounds so sweet if you. To me, that's just right. :)

[Charmingly Miserable]

I've figured as long as he's into you and enjoys your company, he'd most likely love it. That sounds so sweet if you. To me, that's just right. :)
Thanks. I will let you guys know how it goes. Fingers crossed.

[The_Prowler]

I was engaged for 4 years, more as a symbol of love than as a religious symbol, symbol that meant "I love you, I will not harm you, I will not let you down"

I am not anymore today...and we're not married

And there she was saying "together no matter what happens"

ooh...the fucking pain
I feel your pain, man.

An ex (also known as "the one that got away") told me "one day, distance will be the least of our worries". In a way she was right... I was single a few short weeks after she said that. It took me years to get over her, and there are still days when it hurts. I just had to learn how to live with it and allow myself to move on.

[Halo Infinity]

I just thought I'd take a moment to playfully post two videos describing how being single for so long makes me feel. And well, if you like newer Ministry, you might like What's Wrong with Me by Buck Satan and the 666 Shooters. :p


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RFqNn7gHVSY

And ever since playing Donkey Kong Country 2 in 1995, it's game over song has always played in my head after being rejected, or just when I completely came to terms with the rejection.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qAPxbnL4a7E

[ryanp16]

I hate infatuation.

[Halo Infinity]

I thought of asking this question here, because it seems to belong in here far more than The Drunk Tank or the other non-drinking threads, but is being a non-drinker a deal-breaker for some, or even lots of drinkers? It just reminded me of how smoking can be a deal-breaker for non-smokers too.

[dlb]

Of course it is easier when the other half is having a few drinks aswell. You are bound to get lose and maybe even closer, but in the end it doesn't matter. If a strong sympathy is there on both sides and maybe even feelings and you get along with each other well than such things as smoking or drinking are no problem. Moderate drinking of course.

Smoking is only a deal-breaker for me when getting to know somebody. But if I happen to really really like this person than I can get over that. It might become a stress factor in some ways but I'd never completely ditch somebody for such minor habits.

EDIT: What can get on your nerves very easily is the fact that many people will leave you sitting there or asking you to come with them to have a smoke. Every 15 minutes. THAT really is an annoying thing. But still, if I really like that person this is minor issue.

[Halo Infinity]

I also forgot to include this in my previous post, but can me not really being a fan of surprises a turn-off? Most people told me that women love surprises... and I'm just not good at them. I'm the type of person that prefers to be direct or absolutely silent most of the time. I have a feeling that's actually very unappealing to some women. I've also found that any surprises that were good/great are just rare to me. Most surprises were either horrifying or annoying to me.

And speaking of being direct... I'm not sure if I buy the idea that all women aren't direct, as I've seen direct women too. In other words, I like to know what's coming to me, and I just like things spelled out. The mere thought of that being a turn-off just sucks to me. However, I obviously make leeway for the rare/few good/great surprises.

[Nyx]

Kris, do you by any chance have Asperger's? Not trying to be rude, I'm just wondering since a lot of your posts made me think that.

[allegro]

Kris, do you by any chance have Asperger's? Not trying to be rude, I'm just wondering since a lot of your posts made me think that.
Me, too. No offense.

[Halo Infinity]

None taken, though it does make me wonder what I said. I really try to watch what I say, but sometimes fail miserably at it. I remember being told that some of my thoughts and questions were out there, especially from my parents and whatever close friends I've had over the years.

But yes, I actually have ADHD as mentioned in The Mental Health thread. I've figured there's no hiding it at this point, especially after mentioning it there, and perhaps with the way I have presented myself. I only feel a little bad, but not because of what any of you are saying, but perhaps something probably slipped out that shouldn't. (I'm not blaming any of you for thinking that about me, as I've often said things that were off-base and out of place without even meaning it and/or thinking about it.) I sometimes wonder if my lack of social interaction on my spare time has also affected me in such a way.

[Nyx]

Oh, I'm not thinking of any particular thing you've said, just the problems you're describing (socializing, reading social cues, etc) and the particular way you're describing them. They seem a lot like problems that people with Asperger's go through, so I was just wondering if you've ever been diagnosed with it, that's all. I didn't mean to imply in any way that you should watch what you say or censor yourself, so do carry on and I'll stop derailing the topic :)

[Halo Infinity]

It's sort of on-topic in a way, as I suppose that's probably why I was never good at hints and surprises to start with, and it made me dread the idea of having to have hints and surprises in a relationship. (As I've heard that hints and surprises can be common in relationships.) And when I searched for Asperger's on Google, I kind of see what you mean, as some of the problems and traits also match the problems and traits that can be applied to people with ADHD. I also have a tendency to take things literally and personally too.

Oh, and it's good to know that it wasn't about anything particular that I said, but I've been working on trying not to say the wrong things at the wrong time, as I can sometimes be extremely blunt, foolish, and careless.

[Charmingly Miserable]

So.....I surprised my Man of Interest with his bday gifts. I kinda chickened out and didn't tell him my feelings. The discussion never got anywhere near that territory. I think we are just gonna have to be really good friends and I'm okay with that. Anyways, he liked the gifts that I gave him and we hung out for a few hours before he had to go to work. It was good to see him.

[ryanp16]

So.....I surprised my Man of Interest with his bday gifts. I kinda chickened out and didn't tell him my feelings. The discussion never got anywhere near that territory. I think we are just gonna have to be really good friends and I'm okay with that. Anyways, he liked the gifts that I gave him and we hung out for a few hours before he had to go to work. It was good to see him.

If you're okay with being just friends, then I guess that's alright, but from what you've said it seems pretty obvious you want more than that. Just because he didn't bring the subject up it doesn't mean he doesn't want the same thing as you. He could just be a really shy guy. If it was me, there are a few different options I would look at.

- Outright tell him how you feel. Obviously this has the potential to be a bit disasterous; but part of one of my favourite quotes is "To know the truth, you must risk everything." If he's a decent guy he wont let it get awkward if he doesn't feel the same way.

- Do you have any mutual friends? If so, you could ask them to do a bit of detective work I guess, and ask him what he thinks.

- Go on being just friends.

It's your call.

[Charmingly Miserable]

If you're okay with being just friends, then I guess that's alright, but from what you've said it seems pretty obvious you want more than that. Just because he didn't bring the subject up it doesn't mean he doesn't want the same thing as you. He could just be a really shy guy. If it was me, there are a few different options I would look at.

- Outright tell him how you feel. Obviously this has the potential to be a bit disasterous; but part of one of my favourite quotes is "To know the truth, you must risk everything." If he's a decent guy he wont let it get awkward if he doesn't feel the same way.

- Do you have any mutual friends? If so, you could ask them to do a bit of detective work I guess, and ask him what he thinks.

- Go on being just friends.

It's your call.
We talk about everything but our feelings for each other although he knows that I think he is so awesome. I'm just chicken shit. I realize that I will just keep continuing on killing myself if I don't tell him but I don't want to risk the fantastic friendship that we have. No, we don't have any mutual friends. Although it may be heartbreaking for me, I think we just need to remain friends. Ugh, I hate this.

On a different note, I have a date with this other guy. I think he is really into me but I'm not completely sold on him although he is super nice to me and is wrapped around my finger. How do I break it to him that he can't have a future with me without coming off as a bitch?

[ryanp16]

We talk about everything but our feelings for each other although he knows that I think he is so awesome. I'm just chicken shit. I realize that I will just keep continuing on killing myself if I don't tell him but I don't want to risk the fantastic friendship that we have. No, we don't have any mutual friends. Although it may be heartbreaking for me, I think we just need to remain friends. Ugh, I hate this.

On a different note, I have a date with this other guy. I think he is really into me but I'm not completely sold on him although he is super nice to me and is wrapped around my finger. How do I break it to him that he can't have a future with me without coming off as a bitch?

While I don't have any more advice on that situation, for what it's worth I know how you feel.

Well if it was me you were telling that to, I'd rather you be upfront about it, in which case I'd be like "Right, fair enough". Though obviously don't put it as "you can't have a future with me" ;). As opposed to you kind of beating around the bush with the whole thing and maybe leaving him in a state of not knowing 100% what you meant, which would be shit for him and that wouldn't be closure for you then.

[Charmingly Miserable]

While I don't have any more advice on that situation, for what it's worth I know how you feel.

Well if it was me you were telling that to, I'd rather you be upfront about it, in which case I'd be like "Right, fair enough". Though obviously don't put it as "you can't have a future with me" ;). As opposed to you kind of beating around the bush with the whole thing and maybe leaving him in a state of not knowing 100% what you meant, which would be shit for him and that wouldn't be closure for you then.
Oh, wise one. You and everyone else that I talk about this to says the same thing. I'm sooooooo scared!!!!

Ok. Enough about me for now. How or who are you guys doing? :)

[ryanp16]

Oh, wise one. You and everyone else that I talk about this to says the same thing. I'm sooooooo scared!!!!

Ok. Enough about me for now. How or who are you guys doing? :)

I'm pretty good. No one, unfortunately. :p The main issue is actually finding women that are my type.

[Charmingly Miserable]

I'm pretty good. No one, unfortunately. :p The main issue is actually finding women that are my type.
I know what you mean. What is your type?

[ryanp16]

I know what you mean. What is your type?

I'm actually not entirely sure how to put it into words. The main thing I put a requirement on is similar interests and personality. If they're not there, it's a total deal breaker.

[Pillfred]

I agree both will take it how they take it. Best to be straight forward.

As for how I'm doing, I think today is shot. Been thinking of my ex randomly last few days and today I found out why, got a text asking about a scarf that may be at my place.

It's weird because other times I've encountered these random thoughts similar things have happened. I'm also in a similar boat about type. I have a very general type I guess but it really comes down to the individual. I know what I don't like though.

*Also some people seem much more attractive before they speak.

[ryanp16]

I agree both will take it how they take it.

As for how I'm doing, I think today is shot. Been thinking of my ex randomly last few days and today I found out why, got a text asking about a scarf that may be at my place.

It's weird because other times I've encountered these random thoughts similar things have happened. I'm also in a similar boat about type. I have a very general type I guess but it really comes down to the individual. I know what I don't like though.

The last time I actually had contact with my ex was pretty funny - my band was playing a battle of the bands gig and she was there to support another band. She was there with her boyfriend and we were all talking and everything was cool. Anyway like two weeks later was Valentine's Day, and we had been broken up about a year and a few months at this stage, but she sent a text that was obviously meant for her boyfriend to me. I found it really funny that the only time she ever made that mistake was on that day. :D I also discovered that she's been living literally a 10 minute walk from my house for the past year yet I haven't bumped into her once, despite bumping every other person she lives with hahah.

Same, I know what I don't like, but it gets much vaguer when we start talking about what I do like.

[Charmingly Miserable]

I'm actually not entirely sure how to put it into words. The main thing I put a requirement on is similar interests and personality. If they're not there, it's a total deal breaker.
I hear you.



*Also some people seem much more attractive before they speak.
Ha! True!

I just had a wtf moment. I invited my ex husband to go shopping for our daughter. *facepalm*

[Halo Infinity]

Oh, I'm not thinking of any particular thing you've said, just the problems you're describing (socializing, reading social cues, etc) and the particular way you're describing them. They seem a lot like problems that people with Asperger's go through, so I was just wondering if you've ever been diagnosed with it, that's all. I didn't mean to imply in any way that you should watch what you say or censor yourself, so do carry on and I'll stop derailing the topic :)
I just thought of bringing this up just one more time, and then I'll step away from this topic until I hopefully have a date. I really just want to know what it's like to love and be loved as I've never experienced that in my entire life. I know I shouldn't let it get to me, or get too crazy about it, but it sometimes still happens in spite of me wanting to focus on other things. (Which is what I should've been doing anyway.)

But yes, it really is hard for me to make friends, and read certain social cues that aren't completely direct, literal, serious, and obvious. (People with ADHD also seem to have tremendous difficulties in those areas of life too.)

I also seem to have better luck in written communication though, but of course, speech is different ball-game in regards to communication, and it also depends on the person/people I'm speaking to. I'm not even good at kidding around, but it sort of seems easier to detect jokes and kid around on the Internet for some reason, especially at ETS, since the writing quality on forums is usually better than the writing quality on social networks. The more legible and elaborate the writing, the easier it is for me to comprehend, even for a person like me.

I still believe this is connected to how I would obviously react in a relationship and handle a relationship, that is if I were to ever be in one to start with. This also reminded me that there are people out there that would even decline to date somebody with no friends/no family too. I've always thought if that person is hardworking, successful, nice, and means well, that shouldn't be a problem, but for some people it still is, perhaps due to boredom, or the idea that something is "wrong" with that person should they not have any other company but themselves. It sort of freaked me out a bit, I'll admit, but I'm still trying to get over it.

Anyway, I think I've posted enough in this thread for now. I just wanted to point that last part out, because having no friends/no family does fall under deal-breakers to some, or even lots of people.

[playwithfire]

No friends is a potential deal breaker for me. I cannot be their only social focus, and I like more social people, though I did get involved with this one guy years ago who was SUPER not social. It didn't work for me.

[eversonpoe]

No friends is a potential deal breaker for me. I cannot be their only social focus, and I like more social people, though I did get involved with this one guy years ago who was SUPER not social. It didn't work for me.

when my fiancee and i started dating, she hung out with her best friend matt & his wife, becca, almost every night. she went out for drinks with them about three times a week. i was a total home-body, didn't really like going out for drinks (mostly because it's fucking expensive but also because i hate having to worry about getting myself home), and really only spent time with my best friend who was living with me for the summer.

these days, i have a shit ton of people i see all the time, mostly because i'm the sound designer/composer (and i run my sound during shows) for a theatre company. i still don't love going out for drinks, but i'll do it occasionally. what i do love is having people over for drinks/dinner/movies, but my fiancee has gotten progressively more misanthropic. she NEVER likes to go out for drinks anymore, she has only seen her best friend three times in the last 6 months, and even though all of my friends love her, she finds herself choosing to be alone most of the time. and she's happy with that. but i have trouble not feeling guilty if i want to go out and do something, and she's just sitting at home...and i'd also, of course, much rather have her come with me.

[sentient02970]

Trying hard to leave my insecurities at the door (she reminds me of them and helps as we continue) while she tries to get rid of her self-esteem and self-sabotaging issues (I try to guide her where I can). Gee, I wonder if this is how good nurturing relationships are supposed to start.