my metabolism slowed waaaaay the fuck down (no joke) 30 days after turning 30 (four years ago).
i'm fat.
my metabolism slowed waaaaay the fuck down (no joke) 30 days after turning 30 (four years ago).
i'm fat.
had a minor stroke left leg is kinda fucked. just started a new job that I really like. Boss is totally cool and called me from Singapore to make sure I was ok. Bad lifestyle choices led to this, adapt change and move forward, thank god for ACA
-louie
I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder of the primarily obsessive sub-type. My entire world is defined by little things that piss me off.
For example, I like multiples of 5. The main stairway at my school have 9 & 13 steps and the other main stairway has 14 & 13 steps whereas the side staircases have 4 little cases of 10. I'm always late to class because I have to go to those or I have a small anxiety attack.
The Simpsons.
i'm a fours person. and patterns always have to alternate between left and right (always starting with left and ending with right). i can't tell you how many times i have almost tripped on the sidewalk or had people run into me because i have to walk in such specific ways.
Any time that I'm in a situation where I have to wear clothes to sleep in. I just feel like I'm suffocating and I'm constantly moving around. I'm tired as shit, but I've just been rolling around here for two hours now. Ugh.
"Top Commenters" with inevitably shitty ass opinions to offer the world
yeah...and you are right about her not being high risk.
the scary part though, for me, is that she stopped breathing in the first place.
they never quite figured out why, although it was probably due to really high fever resulting in a fibril seizure, along with the pneumonia.
now here is what sucks... she sleeps and i look at her to make sure she's breathing every LITERALLY every sixty seconds or so.
i know it's irrational and i know she's getting better but i can't help thinking that it's gonna happen again.
i've had to take extra xanax just to chill the fuck out.
remember @allegro when i was talking about always being obsessively afraid my loved ones are going to die soon?
THIS shit has made that ten times worse.
i've had three very close friends die this year, two of them to suicide, one of them being my best friend's mother (from cancer) and the other being his wife (from hanging.)
The poor fucker is living on the streets of denver trying to "find himself." Poor bastard. I'm gonna bring him here once lorien gets better.
What really pisses me off about life in general is the fact that we have physical bodies that deteriorate and everyone we love will die.
I know that is, for one thing, blatantly obvious, and for another, sounds like something a sixteen year old goth kid would write poems about.
But it eats me up...it fucking consumes me...fear and morbidity.
Gas.
No, seriously, I hate having gas of any kind. And I don't just mean the painful gas pockets in your stomach that don't go anywhere, I mean even a simple belch or fart in the privacy of my own home when I'm alone. I cannot stand having and expelling gas.
My longest relationship was just under five years (but we knew each other for about six/six and a half years total), and I farted in front of her exactly once in that entire time, and it was an accident.
i just fell down a flight of stairs.
it IS pretty damned funny though.
Getting to know this guy at work. Said he plays the mandolin and called himself a troubadour. Nothing wrong with the mandolin but the troubadour part rubs me the wrong way.
this part was sheer stupidity.
the drs office is on the third floor and the bank is on the second floor. my mom was parked outside on the first floor. the bank has coffee.
so i was standing in front of the bank, then thought my mom might like coffee. so i turned to walk out to the parking lot.
i forgot that the bank was on the second floor.
Went to a funeral and realized that I fucking loathe funerals. I want to scream and throw stuff around, I clench my fists and jaw during the whole thing.
I just cannot stand how fake the priest/funeral home guys sound in a time of deep pain, loss and grief...
"Death... Will strike us all. And today, we will accompany, Mr Buzzenbuckwash. To his ultimate resting place. Please take a minute, to remember all the joy, the happy little moments, brought in our lives, by Mr, Buzzenbuckwash. "
Just shut the fuck up, guide the ceremony with the least amount of commentary, you've made your business, your church/home is packed to the brim so let the people mourn, speak and share, you have no reason to open your mouth...
The day one of my parents die, I swear my family will have to sedate me if they don't want me to go berserk in front of the casket...
doing volunteer work for school requirements and having the head of the animal rescue get pissed drunk and yell at you for pointless stuff all day. I'm doing heavy physical labor for you for free (actually its costing me a lot to have this opportunity) she could have a little more appreciation and a little less wine for breakfast.
Last edited by Dra508; 12-23-2014 at 08:42 PM.
For a long while I had a "burn my remains and throw them away" attitude about it, until I realized my funeral really wasn't for me, but for the ones who would miss me. Those people need to know they sent me off with love and dignity. They need a bit of ritual, of ceremonial and decorum.
My grandmother wanted a "fuck that shit, just dump my ashes wherever" funeral, and her daughters just couldn't do it. It felt almost spiteful, they were devastated. Once she was cremated they all made last minute arrangements, they couldn't just scatter their mom on the sad grass of the "garden of memories" section of the cemetery...
So yeah, no need for a fancy box, we're going to burn it anyway, but they can do whatever they wish beside that.
i was such an awful prick, i wanted "the great below" played at my funeral. but i realized that that would just rip everybody's heart out.
i was so reckless at the time too...i overdosed on heroin pretty fucking regularly. i didn't think there was a chance of me living past 25.
so my death at that time was a pretty real possibility.
now i just want a regular funeral.
i am terrified of being buried underground though. i know it's fucking insane, but there's this little part of me that fears that i might somehow be aware. i don't wanna be burned either.
i dream of building a little tomb, and being laid in a bed, with a bedside table and posters on the wall and shit like that, but that would cost a LOT of money.
hopefully there is enough to put me in a public mausoleum.
i realize that i'm drifting here, but again, death really, really, really fucking pisses me off...at god i guess.
that's why i kind of lean towards Christian Gnosticism, and the idea that the creator god (demiurge) was childish at best and evil at worst.
that is the entity that trapped us in the flesh...christ was an emissary of the REAL god.
I have so little contact now with people younger than me that I figure — assuming I die of old age — hardly anyone will be around to see me off anyway.* But I don't go in for ceremony; a few words in the paper (well, by then there won't be any newspapers left, so a few words on the internet) would satisfy me more than any gathering of people to celebrate my "meh" life.
Come to think of it … if I end up with a gravestone, I want it to say "Meh."
I've already mentioned somewhere that dying doesn't bother me. I think of it as retirement.
* Though if my best friend from college outlives me, he's agreed to write a eulogy.
I want a Viking funeral. Even if it's just my ashes in box and model sized ship.
Things like this:
Don't worry. I'm a big fan of justice, so I stealthily slipped a few bucks on here. Just call me Batman.
Tinsel and paper snowflakes that are left hanging on office walls and windows and shit for the whole year.
My mother overcooked the xmas turkey. For fuck's sake.