The Mental Health thread - depression, bipolar, ADHD, you name it

[Halo Infinity]

In the bad early days when I was going through total meltdowns, I'd pass out for a while and it always helped.

I was looking for this post because it took me a while to completely realize and accept that sleepiness leaves me to be more emotionally vulnerable as I'd get depressed or even angry for very little to no reason. I think that's why it helped a lot when I also stopped posting on the Internet whenever I was exhausted. I know I've mentioned this before, but I don't think I've mentioned this directly to you just yet, and thought that you'd definitely understand where I'm coming from as you've also been there yourself. As of now, I'm definitely trying to make it a habit to not even touch a keyboard whenever I'm drowsy. If it's not a matter of being depressed and angry, it's also a matter of my filter also going to sleep when I would far better off getting some actual sleep. It also leads me to lose self-control and it really is quite the slippery slope. However, I also understand that's what I get for sometimes taking sleep for granted. It's no wonder why it's sometimes better to sleep on things, as opposed to just trying to get everything done firing on all four cylinders in one shot.

And well, sometimes sleep also helps me realize and learn about life as it really does provide me some clarification to go with those moments of solace and serenity. I learned that letting go is also not necessarily the same as forgetting, not thinking about it and ignoring the problems. (In real life, lots of people have actually tried to convince me that it was the same thing, but to me, it actually isn't.) I've figured that if you've successfully managed to let things go, you'd be at peace and free from negativity no matter how many bad things you remember. And well, I also thought I'd tell you this, since you were understanding enough to have listened to me to almost post two pages of conversation in this topic a while back, even naturally without having to put with me. I still thank you for hearing me out and reaching out to me back then too.

With that being said, I still further realize and accept that I still have to work on letting go, as I've done far more running away, hiding and giving up in my life out of fear and sadness whenever I wasn't holding a grudge or being vengeful. This also might very well be a Love List post to you as well.

[Charmingly Miserable]

I think I am having a manic episode. I mean, I just feel so good. I am honestly scared of myself and crashing one day.

[Iran_Ed]

I've spent the last two years of my life trying to find reasons not to kill myself. I've reached the point where I realize it's not working and I'm losing grasp of everything. I've been like this since I was a teenager and I've become an expert at hiding it. An online friend of mine has been begging me to get help. I work a shitty job and while I do have insurance I don't think I can afford to pay for doctor visits and prescriptions. I spent the weekend realizing just how poor I am, and searching for a suicide method. Is there anyone on here with any advice?

[Sarah K]

I've spent the last two years of my life trying to find reasons not to kill myself. I've reached the point where I realize it's not working and I'm losing grasp of everything. I've been like this since I was a teenager and I've become an expert at hiding it. An online friend of mine has been begging me to get help. I work a shitty job and while I do have insurance I don't think I can afford to pay for doctor visits and prescriptions. I spent the weekend realizing just how poor I am, and searching for a suicide method. Is there anyone on here with any advice?

Where do you live?

[Iran_Ed]

Where do you live?

I'm in Maryland

[allegro]

I've spent the last two years of my life trying to find reasons not to kill myself. I've reached the point where I realize it's not working and I'm losing grasp of everything. I've been like this since I was a teenager and I've become an expert at hiding it. An online friend of mine has been begging me to get help. I work a shitty job and while I do have insurance I don't think I can afford to pay for doctor visits and prescriptions. I spent the weekend realizing just how poor I am, and searching for a suicide method. Is there anyone on here with any advice?

I would imagine you have a chemical imbalance and there are modern medications that can really help you and can make you feel a lot better. This isn't just you, there are lots of people just like you out there and once you get the proper medical attention, you will start feeling better, really. Please try, okay? If you can't afford it, there are government assistance programs and medical and pharmacy providers will assist you with that.

You have insurance, that's a good start, really. Here are a few links.with hotline numbers, I don't know what county you are in Maryland, for somebody to talk to, first off:

http://www.montgomerycountymd.gov/HH...icesindex.html

http://www.baltimorecountymd.gov/Age...ental/#general

You can just get in to a primary doctor, first, don't worry about money, nobody is going to turn you away, this is an illness, it can be cured, keep us posted, okay?

[Pillfred]

I would suggest maybe finding a clinic or maybe some other similar resource. I myself went to counseling a year or so ago at an off site of the university here's therapy place. They had it on a sliding scale and it was only like 15$ to go talk to someone. They were grad students but had actual therapists overseeing the whole thing.

A buddy of mine after blacking out and almost getting himself trampled by train a few months back went to the clinic in town and had said that they were like 25$ to see someone which may be a better option potentially since they are part of a hospital environment.

In short I would think they would have some sort of similar options where your at. Something to maybe look into anyway.

[Baphomette]

@Iran_Ed - Use the info allegro gave you. Or you can also call 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255) to get connected directly to a crisis counselor in your area. It's a helpline run by the National Institute of Mental Health and it's available 24/7. Like allegro said, don't worry about cost. Help is available even for us broke peeps. Meds are extremely inexpensive these days due to generics. My prescriptions cost about $1.30 each. And lots of clinics offer either free counseling or a sliding scale fee. Money won't be an issue.

Lots of us have been where you are ; things WILL get better once you start receiving treatment. Trust us on this.

[Iran_Ed]

I've known I've needed help for some time now, but I feel like I have so many problems that it's going to take years to correct if they're ever corrected. I want so much more for myself, but I feel like I have no control. I can't afford to go to school, and the area I live in has very little opportunity. I've lost so much time to this and I can't get it back.

[Dra508]

@Iran_Ed There is a lot of help out there so take that first step and you will have so much support. Really.

[allegro]

@Iran_Ed The first steps are always daunting but you already took a big one by posting here. It is never too late, hell I finished my degree in my 40s dude! :-) This is not your fault, you are struggling to survive with an illness that is very real but is very manageable, within some shitty obstacles. And you're surviving. One thing at a time. First hurdle is your depression. Second hurdle is probably moving, but don't worry about that yet. :-)

No, you can't get time back, but only look forward. The future looks better, if you can feel better and kick this depression. You're in good company, here.

You just said you want so much more for yourself. That's awesome, dude. That's hopeful. You deserve so much more!

[Iran_Ed]

I'm just tired of it and there's no guarantee things will get better.

[allegro]

I'm just tired of it and there's no guarantee things will get better.

There's a guarantee that your depression will get better. But none of us get a guarantee. One of the ETS members was homeless recently, I think he was living in his car. We all just do our best and pray for good luck, and look for opportunities, and work hard. Hang in there, make that phone call.

Edit: I can also tell you this much, from experience: it's much harder (sometimes impossible) to see a way out, to see opportunity, to see the light at the end of the tunnel or what your future can look like when your mind and judgement are clouded by the darkness of clinical depression. It's like trying to hear a symphony when your ears are full of wax.

[Joy Prevention Hotline]

I'm just tired of it and there's no guarantee things will get better.

I felt that way ten years ago. Getting the right medication was a real eyeopener — I would've started taking Prozac in high school if I'd known what a difference it would make.

Instead I had to wait 20 years to learn that life can get better.

[Joy Prevention Hotline]

But tonight is not a better night for me … first meltdown in a while.

I never know if it's just me or if I'm absorbing all the holiday stress from other drivers, but the month of December is a minefield. Once again I'm gonna have to wait till after 9 to drive home.

[allegro]

But tonight is not a better night for me … first meltdown in a while.

I never know if it's just me or if I'm absorbing all the holiday stress from other drivers, but the month of December is a minefield. Once again I'm gonna have to wait till after 9 to drive home.

My mom is actually considering giving up her car when her lease is up next September. She took my advice and takes back routes, side streets, never expressways. Traffic used to really stress me out until I started listening to classical music in the car. It really helps!

[Joy Prevention Hotline]

My mom is actually considering giving up her car when her lease is up next September. She took my advice and takes back routes, side streets, never expressways. Traffic used to really stress me out until I started listening to classical music in the car. It really helps!

I've been using music as a lifeline for years, avoiding heavily trafficked highways (my commute has to involve a expressway somewhere, so it's a lesser-evil thing). Back when the Prozac was putting me to sleep I'd find myself driving home after midnight, which was a great way to relax. Maybe I should drop the nortriptyline for a while … depends on whether this was an aberration or a sign of things to come.

Winter weather may be a problem this year.

[aggroculture]

My anxiety levels have been through the roof lately. This is not good I need to calm down.

@Iran_Ed Things do get better, at least that is my experience (I am in my late 30s). But more than that: they get different. Time passes, you change, life looks very different than before: it feels different, physically, mentally, emotionally; you become a different person over time, and that other person who was going through what you are now is left behind in many ways. And you puzzle, you have serious difficulties remembering exactly what the you of the past was feeling. You miss the old you sometimes, but mostly you are too busy facing other challenges, the ones in the present. What I'm trying to say is that whether you want it to happen or not, things will change. I can't promise they will improve. But I can promise they will be different, and it's worth sticking around to find out what will happen next.

[Joy Prevention Hotline]

Last night went better. Maybe because I left work at 9:30, maybe because I made a conscious effort to physically relax — like letting my mouth hang open so I'm not gritting my teeth.

Also helps that I took the car in for an oil change yesterday. Unlike me, they know how to properly inflate tires, and my car always handles amazingly well afterward.

[sentient02970]

For the past several months I've been having some odd comprehension issues. Things like instructions or lists of items tend to confuse me to the point where I need them repeated or clarified. Lately, at work, reading certain emails, I'm frustrated by what is obviously the sender's sloppy notational style of grammar, accuracy and to an extent, clarity. I find myself re-reading them to compartmentalize information and clear it up some. I also just end up getting thoroughly frustrated to the point of wanting either call the person to berate their lack of clarity and see if I can figure it out better over the phone or ignore them completely. But I'm really starting to question whether I'm simply not able to comprehend even difficult communications as easily as I should. Am I really getting THAT old??

[allegro]

For the past several months I've been having some odd comprehension issues. Things like instructions or lists of items tend to confuse me to the point where I need them repeated or clarified. Lately, at work, reading certain emails, I'm frustrated by what is obviously the sender's sloppy notational style of grammar, accuracy and to an extent, clarity. I find myself re-reading them to compartmentalize information and clear it up some. I also just end up getting thoroughly frustrated to the point of wanting either call the person to berate their lack of clarity and see if I can figure it out better over the phone or ignore them completely. But I'm really starting to question whether I'm simply not able to comprehend even difficult communications as easily as I should. Am I really getting THAT old??

I'm just seeing this, now, but I think sometimes email communication and people being really stupid leads to total lack of clarity. I get the WORST emails from people, where I have to respond, NICELY, basically repeating what they say in bullet points in what I THINK they are trying to say, requesting clarification, because YES people really are that stupid and NO it's not you.

[Dra508]

I'm just seeing this, now, but I think sometimes email communication and people being really stupid leads to total lack of clarity. I get the WORST emails from people, where I have to respond, NICELY, basically repeating what they say in bullet points in what I THINK they are trying to say, requesting clarification, because YES people really are that stupid and NO it's not you.

Yes, but forgetfulness can be a sign of stress.

And yes, a lot people suck at email. Pick up the phone. @sentient02970

[Joy Prevention Hotline]

And yes, a lot people suck at email. Pick up the phone.

Hell no. I go out of my way to avoid the phone. {shudder}

[Dra508]

Hell no. I go out of my way to avoid the phone. {shudder}

Is that a phobia? Honest question.

[marodi]

When I ended therapy last March, one of the last thing I had to do was to make a list of clues that would indicate that I was slipping back into the pattern of thoughts/actions that brought me there in the first place: isolation, self harm, increase of my OCD etc.

I'm now showing every clues of that list. I guess it's back to therapy again for me. :/

[madmanfloyd]

I've always had problems making and keeping friends. I have been talking to a therapist lately who has told me i may be bipolar and im tending to agree with that assessment. I'm 38 and on a whim decided to enroll in community college this year and my first semester has been a success, depending on how well my western civ final goes, i should have 4 A's this semester which i'm stoked about, even with my attention spam being -80. I'm way too nice, my ex-gf is sitting on her ass in my apartment, drinking, complaining and watching t.v. I don't know of a polite way to tell this lazy, ignorant pain in my ass to take her butt to the slum hole she came from.

With all that said, i'm excited about my future, which is the first time i can say that in the past 8 years or so. Is it wrong me to be looking forward to 2015 like i am??

[allegro]

No, it's not wrong. It's great!

Polite way? Maybe just say, "you know, this just isn't working out, and you need to find another place by _______ <--- insert date here. I wish you all the luck in the world, let me know if you need help moving."

[playwithfire]

OCD is awful. I'm actually beginning to consider therapy, which is not good and I am not happy about. It means I'm so exhausted and that I feel like I can't face it alone. I resent any "Oh she's finally taking a good step" because I've always considered therapy an option if it got this hard to bear.

[Camille]

To all who may be alone or experiencing difficulties at this time of year.......hang on in there, I want to see all of you posting in the year ahead!!

Merry Christmas!

[marodi]

Merry Christmas to you too, Camille!

Oh and @Dra508 : I get cold sweat and heart palpitations if I have to call someone. *shrugs*