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10-13-2019, 08:49 PM
#151
@Substance242 - I'm in no position to do any of that right now, but I totally get the feeling. If I ever won so much money that I'd never have to ever worry about working ever again, it sounds like something I'd do to, even if it would result in me just moving to another part of the city I'm already in.
Those fantasies/dreams keep me going. I just want to get away from it all for good at some point, hopefully before retirement age, which is going to be a lot of work.
Due to my ethnicity/family, the Philippines is often recommended for just that, but it's also more than just warm, since it gets very hot.
For me though, a part of me is imagining myself chilling in Nevada some day in the distant future. I went there, and it seemed like the perfect balance between city and suburb to me, and it looked rather peaceful.
As with life in general, I've been finding myself to be jaded more than anything now to the point where I'm actually just using to Internet to lurk more than ever before. I'm still thankful I can enjoy life every now and then, and I'm sure this is also connected to my physical health regarding my weight as well, but Every Day Is Exactly The Same is my theme song. It's fine with things I like, but when it's also not my liking or even choice, it really does feel like everything is dragging, leaving me wonder what I'm here for and all that confusing/empty/sad stuff.
I so get it though. If I was rich, I would've probably done that a long time ago. Maybe not forever either, but just until I'm hopefully contented and at peace. I know I'm also looking from the outside in with the grass being greener and all, but I'd imagine it would be the best to be rich enough to reside in more than one place.
I sometimes forget, but just talking about this reminds me to take it one day at a time. Thinking and preparing for the future is great and all, while learning from the past, but it certainly helps clearing things about by just sorting things out just day by day in the present, since the present is truly that only time you have and the only time you can actually do things/make things happen, or not. (Especially with my weight-loss journey, which I'm reminded about be easily weighing me down both literally and figuratively now that I think about it yet again.)
Last edited by Halo Infinity; 10-13-2019 at 08:56 PM.
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10-13-2019, 08:51 PM
#152
Life sucks. There really isn't any point to any of this and every day is a struggle to keep going. . .
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10-13-2019, 09:19 PM
#153
In some ways, I'm kind of there too, even in spite of trying to make things better for myself, which still ultimately boils down to self-preservation and avoiding suffering. The futility of life and death is what always got me ever since I was 7.
Sometimes it helps to stop caring because caring too much hurts so much or just tires me out/confuses the hell of out me or even freaks me out at the very worst. As mentioned in my other post, looking at it again, also seems to scream, "Screw it. I'm done/leaving." Depending on what I'm going through, I seem to constantly shift between caring too much or not caring at all, and just walking/running away. While not always the best option, sleep also helps me shut down and give up, while just clearing my mind and being rested, but like with any coping mechanism, for how long? And I try to be grateful, but I also realize even that is also boiled down to "While I still can."
As much as I don't want to be downer, I figured this thread among a few is still the best place to vent this out.
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04-30-2020, 12:19 AM
#154
not really. when you have experienced things like homelessness, depravity, etc. and came out the other side, life is fucking beautiful.
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04-30-2020, 02:40 AM
#155
I think it can suck and be beautiful at the same time. The older I get the more I value small, perfect things. The little mob of sparrows that live in my yard, really great music or art, friends that are still your friend despite your many failings. However, human societies seem doomed to function in horribly brutal ways and that gets utterly depressing.
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04-30-2020, 07:06 PM
#156
Life is most certainly awesome. And quite amazing that I am actually alive to say that!
Almost died before I was even born (unwanted pregnancy) but ended up adopted instead. If abortion was legal and widely available when I was conceived I would simply not be here. Some people think that makes my life worthless. WTF?
Almost died before I was one year old. Severe asthma, ended up in hospital on iron lung. Medical care was not the same back then. Very limited options available.
Almost died several times before age 18 due to drug OD and auto accidents. Still not quite sure how I actually survived growing up.
Many additional close calls during adulthood. Survived a heart condition (surgery) Hep C (cured) two years of homelessness (opted out) and all sorts of random crap. So yes, life must be awesome because I am still here to experience it.
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09-13-2021, 02:50 AM
#157
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09-13-2021, 03:23 AM
#158
Horrible beyond comprehension which is why nearly everyone indulges in something that allows them to escape it, however briefly. Even for those who say they love it and enjoy every second,their actions usually point out the exact same paterns of consumption and activities mired in escaping the present. If life was any good we woudn't need like a million methods to numb yourself and tune out the big picture.
Last edited by Something Underneath; 09-13-2021 at 03:26 AM.
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09-16-2021, 06:34 AM
#159
I wouldn't say it sucks, but it certainly feels weird to watch my daughter leave the house in the car to drive her and her brother to school.
It's this combination of pride, sadness, relief and worry all at the same time.
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09-16-2021, 06:46 AM
#160
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09-03-2023, 05:37 PM
#161
It blows. Totally sucks. I’m trying my best to sleep through as much as possible.
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11-22-2023, 08:34 AM
#162
I just want to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving. We're all going through shit and life sucks sometimes, but no matter what it is - I genuinely wish everyone a nice holiday. We all got this.
<3 icky
Last edited by ickyvicky; 11-22-2023 at 08:36 AM.
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11-25-2023, 10:55 AM
#163
I feel youx , Miss
@ickyvicky
.
But I'm almost certain that we're in some sort of purgatory, currently.
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01-19-2024, 06:37 PM
#164
Life is unrelenting and complex and I have to figure something out. My mom passed away about two weeks ago and it’s left me a bit upended. She was a major focal point for me when I got to far up my own ass. In a way I feel like I’ve lost my compass in a way.
Idk if this is the right place for something like this but I figured I’d get it out somewhere. Not the start of the new year I’d hoped for but it’s start just the same.
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01-22-2024, 09:29 AM
#165
@Pillfred
So sorry for your loss
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05-27-2024, 08:37 AM
#166
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05-28-2024, 03:17 PM
#167
After a pretty unrelenting several years in my teenage and young adult stages, life has been pretty good to me for the past half decade or so. I'm working in the career field I always dreamed of as a child and I'm working on my college degree (which has been going fantastic as I completed my first school year in over a decade with straight A's!).
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