Throbbing Member
Ugh. I just had to tell someone I really like and respect as a person that I don't feel romantic chemistry with her. We had a short fling. I feel awful that I hurt her even though I didn't do anything wrong. Even more confusing is that I am actually quite lonely for the first time in years, and there's a person I have feelings for who can't reciprocate them to me. Double whammy.
My heart hurts.
Last edited by Magtig; 06-13-2015 at 02:38 AM.
she/her/hers
you guys look super cute. i love the converse shoe choice. are all your groomsmen related to each other (and you...)? your pose where they're holding you up is...hilarious.Originally Posted by tony.parente
Throbbing Member
So here's a question no one ever seems to be able to answer...
What's the big deal with trying to name, categorize and label everything about a relationship? Why can't two people just date for a few weeks (hell, even a few months) and enjoy what they have together without worrying about what to call it? Just because someone doesn't want to rush putting a name on a relationship doesn't mean they're not interested; maybe they don't want to move too fast based on previous experiences where a relationship moved far too quickly and suffered horribly because of it. Seriously, don't worry about it!
Captain Rustleboots
Thank you! The guys on the right hand side are Jamie's brothers, guy on the left is her sisters husband. My brother was the best man and was MIA for this picture lol. There's also a pic of them "throwing" me in the fountain haha
Active Member
Word. As long as you're clear on boundaries, like, communication and monogamy levels and the like. My boyfriend and I were together for almost 2 years before we stopped calling each other our "gentleman friend" and "ladyfriend." Granted, we weren't completely monogamous, but we were definitely together.
Active Member
I'm not sure what the "name, categorize, and label everything" part really means. My girlfriend and I are just that...she's my girlfriend. I'm her boyfriend. Not sure how that translates into over-the-top naming/labeling/categorizing everything. Feels incredibly simple to both of us.
Some people just like to be clear about things, and yes, labels can help that. For the majority of people, labeling something specifically as a boyfriend/girlfriend (or bf/bf, gf/gf) relationship sets the tone for a monogamous, "we're not seeing other people and we're not actively planning for this to end" kind of situation. Personally, I have never had even the smallest bit of interest in dating someone short term; it just feels like a waste of time and energy to me. I can't be physically involved with someone unless I feel an emotional connection to them, and if I've got that going, I'm not interested in pursuing them knowing ahead of time that it's only temporary.
I'm not saying there's something wrong with feeling differently than that. Lots of people do. As long as people are clear about what they're looking for, then I say go for it. But that's the point: labels help people clarify what they're looking for. And this is coming from someone who did have a friendship explode after the other person went from zero to 60 before having the car impounded, crushed, and melted down.
BACKROLLS?!
I've been talking to this guy on Grindr for the last few weeks and I think I'm gonna ask him out on a date later this evening. He has Zelda tattoos, guzzles wine and is ginger. That certainly ticks a lot of my boxes. I'm just a bit nervous after all the drama I had with that guy a few months ago.
Update - going on a date
Last edited by slave2thewage; 06-21-2015 at 04:38 PM.
Throbbing Member
So I have a girlfriend now. I didn't make it official the way I wanted to (it's a long story), but the fact remains that she's my girlfriend and I'm her boyfriend.
I just hope this works out better than my last few attempts at relationships...
Resident Asshole
Ugh, so I think I'm giving up on women for a while. The last couple of people that I have dated turned out to train wrecks and I'm getting kinda sick of it. Why do I always attract the same type of person who has attachment issues (stage 2 clinger after two dates)? *sigh*
Active Member
Dating someone as great as my boyfriend who has completely different long-term goals from me is THE WORST because he's WONDERFUL and HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO BREAK UP ONE DAY WE GET ALONG SO WELL IN SOME WAYS
My ideal "breakup" would just be us being non-monogamous again and transitioning out of being primary partners, but that doesn't work for him.
Alt-Left Leaning Cunt
They say that when we keep attracting the "wrong" types of people over and over, it's time to evaluate ourselves. I find this to be very true!
Like, whenever I hear anyone talk about how "crazy" all of their exes are, that tells me that the issue lies within them, as they are the common element in all of those relationships.
she/her/hers
what are the big differences in your long-term goals?Dating someone as great as my boyfriend who has completely different long-term goals from me is THE WORST because he's WONDERFUL and HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO BREAK UP ONE DAY WE GET ALONG SO WELL IN SOME WAYS
My ideal "breakup" would just be us being non-monogamous again and transitioning out of being primary partners, but that doesn't work for him.
Bite me
One time my ex-boss told me (my ex-boss was over 20 years older than me and I'd worked for him for nearly 15 years), when I first started dating G, and I guess my boss noted that G seemed different than my exes, that I had been attracted to "the wrong kinds of guys" and to be careful not to break things off with G because he wasn't the type of guy I usually date. Which ended up being REALLY true. So it isn't something we are attracting but we are often attracted to the WORST people without our even realizing it.
So, yeah, date somebody who you're not initially attracted to, and that may break the pattern?
Last edited by allegro; 07-06-2015 at 02:25 PM.
Active Member
He wants to get married and have children one day. I absolutely, non-negotiably, am never having children and marriage would be a BIG, HUGE compromise for me. It only really has any use to me for the benefits and I have (personally, obviously) very little interest in it/don't want it. So, if I married someone I'd basically suck all of the romance out of it and then still be reluctant. He doesn't want any of that for years and years, but basically our relationship isn't really going anywhere. We don't want to live together and it's just going to be what it is until it isn't. I'm fine with this, but to him it feels stagnant sometimes.
I want to be non-monogamous (we can date people together but independently it doesn't really work well for us so far, more for him than for me) at some point again. I'm happy to date just him currently but I don't want to for another 5 years, y'know?
Also every couple has their issues, but some parts of our dynamics are not things I'd want from a LONG long-term committed partner.
That said, we love each other and get along so well and in some ways things just are so good that it's like...
Alt-Left Leaning Cunt
You two are adorable together, and be just seems to be like such a nice guy. He's always very polite.
I hope that you are able to work something out that works for both of you!
Active Member
Right! He's so great.
We've been bemoaning this for years now. I don't think there's necessarily a happy ending there, alas. We're not breaking up soon, but it'll happen eventually.
Active Member
Gosh, it sounds like he's sticking around thinking you'll change your mind. At some point, he'll want a uterus to serve. :\
Active Member
Nah, it's definitely not that. He doesn't want kids for yeaaaars. Like, maybe a decade from now. People have told him I might change my mind and he's like "looooool no."
We're just really, really good together in so many ways.
tempus est umbra in mente
I've never been good at being the one to cut things off if it isn't working out... and this has only been going on with her for about a month now (though things escalated really quickly). I want to be a good person about it all, and I feel lame letting things go on when I know it's just not going to work.
I still hate doing this. Now I'm trying to decide if I do this on the phone or in person... She's been texting me so I have to make a decision I guess.
Banned
Say in person "ITS OVER, CUNT!" in your best Aussie accent, then pull this face. She will never return, I reckon. @tony.parente am I right?
tempus est umbra in mente
I'm not sure I could pull off an Australian accent. Does this method work if the accent sounds like a redneck impersonating Crocodile Dundee?
Banned
Not at all mate!
Active Member
@Jinsai : in person or over the phone, just don't do
It via a text and don't ghost her.
Sans accent.
Throbbing Member
Well, I'm officially in a love triangle. I've been living with my boyfriend who has been hooking up with another roommate. We're all aware and I've been in constant communication with him considering I'm going through a learning/adjustment curve on dealing with jealousy. It comes down to feeling insecure but for the most part I know and truly feels that he loves me no less. It's just sad knowing that the levels of lusting are totally different with me, someone he's known for 3 years now, than how it is with her- the new shiny person. I mean, I hooked up a couple months ago with someone new and I became totally obsessed for days and that's when it truly sunk in that I don't have this level of lust towards my boyfriend either anymore so it's really unfair for me to compare myself with this woman in the house.
So I'm super excited with how well things are going so far. I've always had open relationships but always because it was long distance relationships. This is happening under the same roof, haha! I'm going to be leaving the country in a month so maybe that's helping me really deal with this because I'm kind of fearless of the consequences, which have only been positive so far. I can only imagine things going sour on the other woman's side simply because she tends to keep things to herself. My boyfriend is not someone who is openly communicative either so I can imagine that causing problems if they both deal with problems by not dealing with them. I just hope their lack of communication doesn't end up backfiring on me...Which I doubt will happen. I can't imagine anything really happening in the month left of my presence.
On another note, I really wish I liked this lady more. I'm trying really hard not to judge her but I just don't relate to her very much as at all which doesn't help when I have jealousy pangs because I don't understand what my boyfriend sees in her besides good looks and cutesy flirtations (she puts on quite the flirting performance, especially after she starts drinking...)
Banned
Fuck that! All yours.
Active Member
New Relationship Energy!
Throbbing Member
You referring to your relationship? Because that's appropriate to my post too. Edit- I just scrolled up and read previous conversations so now I realize you are probably responding to my post after all. Yeah, this new relationship energy is weird because neither of them are admitting that this is a relationship and this is where I could be convinced I'm a psychic because WAY back when she first moved in, my boyfriend told me about how she randomly told him she would NEVER be interested in him or something to that effect and when he told me this, my first reaction was to roll my eyes and say "She's saying that because she likes you". Anyways, months go by and finally through drunken intimate encounters this has come to light of day.
??
Last edited by halloween; 07-16-2015 at 06:44 PM.
Throbbing Member
Drunk messaging your ex should be forbidden by law. Like, electric chair or something. Also fuck you Florence and The Machine, it's all your fault anyway
Active Member
Yep! Meant your guy and his roommate.
Throbbing Member
4th of July at a friend's party on top of a building in downtown LA, illegal fireworks in 360 degrees. As the explosions of this fabulous gay war raged on I stumbled into a very charming woman. We made each other howl with laughter all night. At the end she asked for MY number, and then asked me out on a date several days later.
I haven't met someone this cool in... ever. I'm like a nervous high school student hoping I don't say some dumb thing and screw it up. She said to meet her at Hollywood and Vine this Wednesday and I said, "Isn't that a famous spot for prostitution?"
It's gonna be allllll right.
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