I want to say I saw this bit about a month before I lost my virginity at the tender age of 27:
I started to believe, yeah, I'm probably one of those.
I want to say I saw this bit about a month before I lost my virginity at the tender age of 27:
I started to believe, yeah, I'm probably one of those.
The worst feeling in the world is grieving the loss of someone still living.
I’m Elijah Wood in this picture.
Usually when people around me are fucking in suits it's the like... two button kind.
That’s how it is where I live. Nearly all are single moms.
I just had a wild idea. I’m not sure how it’s pronounced, but:
Y'all three are gonna bang?
Wait. What? I for sure missed something.
I don't want to bring it up on the Trans thread because it seems to cover much more important issues than my piddling query, but I am very very curious to know something and I thought some of you might help me out. Is there a "nice" way of putting it that you aren't physically attracted to trans or otherwise fluid gender? I wrote something on my FetLife that I'm not quite sure reads as anything else than being a little too blunt about it. Or does it not matter at all?
To me that falls along the same lines as "not attracted to black people", and I think will require some serious internal reflection on your part. "Trans" covers such a wide array of people and expressions that I do not believe it is possible to proclaim that you are not attracted to any trans person ever. Evaluate what you *actually* mean by that statement.
Though there are many people here who are much more knowledgable about this topic than I am, and perhaps they will be able to give you better/more thoughtful advice.
One of my partners who I have known for years, who I have been in a power exchange with, came out as trans and started the process of transitioning earlier this year. I 100% did not think that their transition would impact our relationship, as my attraction to them extends to many different areas. However, as they started dressing in a more feminine manner, my attraction to them slowly diminished. I tried for months and months to come to terms with this and to try to figure out WHY I couldn't adjust to their shifting way of presenting. Nothing about our interactions had changed, and in fact we even got closer as people, but I found myself slowly backing away from our relationship. We had a talk, and I think the conclusion for me is that the *masculine* energy is necessary for me to be involved in any sort of power exchange. We are still pretty serious play partners and really good friends, but what I needed for our power exchange to continue was just not there for me anymore, unfortunately.
It kinda reaffirmed my long-standing stance of "I can bottom to a woman, but I cannot sub to a woman".
It has caused me to do a LOT of thinking and research regarding gender, attraction, and a lot of other closely related topics, though, so I am thankful for that. I felt like such an asshole for the longest time about this situation because what we had was good and hard to find. And it also felt like I was making their transition and experience about me, which I was desperately trying to avoid. I still feel guilt over this whole thing, even though they have been very understanding.
wait so you're saying you're heterosexual oh okay got it got it
I’m saying I’m socially awkward (with just about every post I make). Sorry.
Last edited by Swykk; 10-09-2017 at 05:48 AM.
how do you know you're not attracted to trans people? is it a genital-related thing? is it purely about general physical appearance? or do you have an issue with people being trans?
for example, i'm trans, but i haven't done anything about transitioning. so despite the fact that i look 100% like a dude with a beard, i am a woman. there are plenty of trans women who have done things about transitioning and you'd never know they're trans unless they tell you. likewise with trans men.
i feel like you're eliminating a vast group of people from your sights for reasons that you don't necessarily understand, and it comes across as being a bit...bigoted. not saying you're an asshole who hates trans people, but if you flat-out state that you have no interest in pursuing anything with anyone who falls under that umbrella, it's hard not to get that read from it.
gender-fluidity is a whole other issue. my friend norine, who is getting married to her partner marc this friday, is gender-fluid. she refers to herself as a lady-dude. but she looks 100% woman. she's got a figure made for burlesque (which she used to do) including boobs that are ridiculously big and she loves to show off, and dresses "feminine" about 95% of the time. you'd never know she isn't just a woman unless you get to know her, and even then, it's really just about how she identifies herself and wants to be treated (with respect, which is all any trans and gender-fluid people want).
so i think you need to re-examine your position and figure out what makes you feel that way.
also, thanks to @Sarah K for sharing your experience and offering some sound advice.
Thank you both @Sarah K and @eversonpoe, for your insights and your questions. I do think I should clarify that I am open to having trans people as friends. And there have been a few instances where I found men who were very very convincing as women attractive. To some extent I'm quite picky about what or who I can be attracted to, but I also realizing after reading my initial post that it may just only be in my head and that if put into practice I might react differently.
You both have given me much to think about, and I could not have asked for a better response from each of you. Thanks
Last edited by onthewall2983; 10-09-2017 at 10:25 AM.
This is super problematic phrasing, bud.
Having physical preferences is TOTALLY OKAY, attaching identities to those physical preferences is problematic.
Example: Preferring partners who are less muscular is okay
preferring partners to have soft facial features is okay
preferring partners to look extremely feminine is okay
preferring partners to have a certain set of genitalia is okay
Going "I don't date trans people" is not okay
Because "trans" is not in any way tied to physical characteristics
Because, I'm guessing if you met a person who looked like this
whose name was Brit, was assigned female at birth, had a pussy, and was non-binary and used they/them pronouns... I bet you wouldn't mind so much.
My advice to you would be to state that you prefer very feminine people and prefer to have sex with people who have a vulva and enjoy being sexually receptive.
I'm a straight man. Someday I'll want a wife and we will want to conceive children. A woman is required in order to fulfill that wish (nevermind that some women can't get pregnant), not a trans woman. A woman who I'm attracted to in many, many ways, one in which is probably going to be very physical. 30 years in and I know for myself I've only been really physically attracted to feminine women (some more feminine than others), so that also (definitely) rules out any interest in trans men.
There is no reason for me to date a transsexual.
I don't understand why that is a problem for some to read.
lol Respek. Sending you warm wishes.
Last edited by Amaro; 10-11-2017 at 10:39 PM.
Read the post two above yours.
Yeah... uh... I think there was a big point that you missed there, Amaro.
Naomi wat
thank u for letting us know
It's not like I don't have opportunities to have sex with people, my body just doesn't work (chronic BV/ph issues bb) most of the time and hollllly shit it's such a bummer sometimes. The last time I had penetrative sex was JUNE and the last time I had any kind of receptive sex was like September despite having humans in my life who would be up for the task if my vagina would get its shit together. I do all the shit I'm supposed to do before someone comes at me with some "wear cotton underwear" shit. Hoping for a light at the end of the tunnel at this point with what I'm currently trying, just frustrated. Next time I see a sexual partner is in early January so I'd really love to be able to get laid then.
Last edited by playwithfire; 12-18-2017 at 07:52 PM.
Did not get laid, still having bv probs, but didn't even want to. Neither of us were in the mood to. My desire to have sex with other people has been like... almost not-present lately and I can't figure out if it's depression or just fluid sexuality being fluid. Which like, isn't super great since I have a couple of dates I'm supposed to follow up with now that I'm back in NYC and stuff, and one of them is a girl who I think is just amazing and is super my type so w t f, brain.
i'm in a weird sexual slump, too. zero libido. none. it even goes beyond that right now -- i saw a porn ad this morning that honestly made me feel nauseated.
wtf, indeed.