Ugh, solidarity like, dude. It's really bothering me. I miss feeling attracted to new people. Though hey, I'm remembering there was a burlesque dancer I saw last week who made me feel at least something. That's comforting.
Ugh, solidarity like, dude. It's really bothering me. I miss feeling attracted to new people. Though hey, I'm remembering there was a burlesque dancer I saw last week who made me feel at least something. That's comforting.
That seems to be going around. I'm going to use the Broad City explanation and blame it on Trump.
My favorite part about this is that it made me think about how I'd totally make out with Ilana because I keep forgetting there arepeople who existcharacters I'd like to do that with, at least, even if I can't get into wanting to fuck
Originally Posted by Ilana
:~)
Shouldn't that make us want to do the cuffing season thing, though?
I finally wrapped some traveling so I'm back in NYC for the forseeable future so I actually have time to go on DATES and intellectually I want to but yeah, the libido thing is just a mess :/
I mean, I'm in a long term relationship. Cuffing season (possibly my second most hated phrase in the world after "bae") is for single people who don't want to be single anymore. Here, winter just means the windows are drafty as fuck, we don't turn the heat up high because of it so it's never really "warm" inside, my better half spends most of her non-working time in bed, and I'm a lot less physically active due to a combination of factors ranging from my job to a vitamin D deficiency. It's the perfect storm for just feeling like crap and losing all interest in...you know.......stuff.
I'm in the midst of the longest dry spell for near 4 years (its been 3 months), Some days there is extreme libido, other days there is no desire for human interaction yet alone any libido, there is no in between.
http://gawker.com/its-the-horny-time-1710702578
MUST BE NICE, I WOULDN'T KNOW BECAUSE MY LIBIDO IS STILL DEAD AS HELL
I kinda love it for how ridiculous it is.
People always tell you that you're supposed to like Sex & the City if you're a woman. I hated that series with a passion. After I finished watching the last season, I felt like shit about my life because I wasn't in a relationship. I would much rather watch Supernatural or even that campy AHS.
On a huge dry spell
Three months.
It's been a couple years i guess since i've not even had a date since i moved here and that was just over two years ago. Thing is most times it's not really a big deal and if I really wanted to just get laid i'd imagine i could. These past couple of weeks though my biology has been kicking it up a notch or 10. To quote a song, "It's been so long that even the roses hips are turning me on."
And since the U.S. Government got rid of Craiglist and Back Page, it is really hard in the dating scene these days. Sometimes, a bitch gets tired of the same ole stupid ass small talk. And all I want to say is "Here is $50. What will your penis do for it." I guess, many guys feel that way about vagina, too.
Last edited by BlacklightFreakout; 07-04-2018 at 07:25 PM.
I was participating in an rpg session on Saturday and I was contemplating one of my team members (who is clever and good for banter, which is basically kryptonite for me) and was like "oh I totally want to make out with him" which is not a good idea and not something I plan to pursue but AM I MAYBE FINALLY FINDING PEOPLE ATTRACTIVE IN AN ACTIONABLE FASHION AGAIN? HOPE SPRINGS ETERNAL
I think i've finally learnt to let go of needing someone. The last actual date i had was 2011 (and the last time i got laid...i hate that term) but i've finally gotten to the place where i realise constantly feeling i needed someone was probably a big part of what was making my depression so bad. I'm much better off now just making sure i'm OK then chasing the idea of having a partner, and just better off just letting whatever happens, happens (even if that does mean i'll be single for most of my life)
Last edited by Haysey_Draws; 07-05-2018 at 10:44 AM. Reason: grammar errors
That's how I feel. I haven't been in a serious relationship in 5 years, but during this period I've been focusing on myself and feeling better about myself. I've accomplished so much such as getting a 2nd college degree, buying a house, etc. I don't think about whom my next girlfriend is going to be. I'm just going to let things happen even if it means being single for a long time. Being single has its advantages though. You can do whatever you want without worrying if the other person is having a good time. I've been able to travel and go to concerts I've been wanting to go to without dragging someone else. (Yes I go to concerts alone. Don't care).
This seems as good a place as any I've seen to share this story of thing: I've been in a sort of rut since I hit puberty. I have *no idea* how to express any sort of sexual/romantic interest to someone. It's antithetical to my programming. My friend the other night was telling me that my problem is overthinking everything, and while he has a point, it hit me that going with my gut isn't a solution because at the end of the day that's what keeps me from capitalizing on the (already quite rare) opportunities.
The closest I've come was a couple months ago, some girl on Tinder messaged me (they always have to message me) and was extremely forward about how she felt--told me I was cute, that she was interested in me, and eventually straight up that she wanted to fuck. Even tried dirty talk, which I reluctantly contributed to for the first time (saying stuff like that makes me reeeaally uncomfortable). Finally, we made plans to meet up at my place and split a joint, just to hang out. I psyched myself up so, so hard--"She's given you everything, you fucking dunce, now is the time, take the lead, be cool"--and, to my credit, I thought it started out alright. Some awkward smiling and introductions, some banter.
The first real problems were when the joint came into the mix; I sell legal weed for work, but I bit off waaaay more than I could chew. Defcon 5 anxiety kicked in... the kind where you're having to remind yourself not to physically shake because you'll look insane, and you think you might have a heart attack. Last time I had that was when my friends tried to set me up with a gal three years ago, but let's skip that. What proceeded was her talking for an eternity while I mostly said "yeah" and things to that effect, too crippled to make any kind of decision. She eventually said she had to use the bathroom, which got us back inside, and then we continued this but sitting on my bed. She basically had to give me permission to go get water when I said my mouth was dry. After a while of sitting on the bed talking, she says she's tired and is gonna head out. I walk her to her car, and as we look at each other before she gets in, in what's definitely in the top five most thrilling moments of my life, I go in for a kiss. It's very short, before I pull away and ask "was that bad?", to which she lies and says it's fine before never contacting me again, but damn, walking back inside after that was something else.
But anyway, I feel like that story is my story in a nutshell. I feel like Chidi in The Good Place. Opportunities handing themselves to you like that is like a unicorn, and every time I've completely choked, no matter how self-aware I felt going in. And now my only single friend, my best bud in this city of Seattle that I moved to a couple years ago, got himself a girlfriend for his last two months before he moves away, which sucks even harder not because of any sort of jealously, I'm happy for him, but just because I really like hanging out and being the third wheel sucks.
Okay, so, this is going to sound arrogant but the reason I'm not getting laid at this stage of my life is a combination of a lot of health problems and my libido having been kinda out the window. If those weren't the case, I can usually tell when people are attracted (and there are cute folks in my life who think I'm pretty) and I know I could if I wanted to (and honestly that's the case for most people, that we could get laid if we wanted to, we're usually just not willing to compromise).
That said, figuring out like... how to tell someone you're attracted to them, how to notice when someone is, that shit took me about 28 years to figure out.
And, I'm still not great about the former in a lot of situations but I've been figuring it out, and I think there are like two tactics that work:
1. Be complementary with ABSOLUTELY NO INDICATION THAT YOU WANT RECIPROCATION. Like, "oh, well you're gorgeous" and then keep the conversation moving/don't leave a window for that to become a topic, at least at first. This is the smooth thing that I should do more often.
2. Just be incredibly transparent. I've told girls I've gone out with "I have no idea if someone is interested in me unless they tell me they want to make out" or whatever. I've asked "Is this flirting?" because there are still confusing people. Played right, it's honest. Don't go "want to get dinner" go "would you want to go on a date, dinner?"
I've historically asked like pretty much every person if I could kiss them for the first time before I did. Because consent is cool. And it's sexier than asking after the fact.
Also one of the sexiest things about Chidi is how corruptible he is. Someone's gonna go for that if the rest of your shit is together.