ok, so: day 30
I've done this recovery thing before, but never with such a sustained use of such strong opiates. I can now admit that I've been on fentanyl and oxy or vicodin the entire time I've been on this iteration of the forum- some prescribed, some not, but always abused, up until I started trying to kick in Feb. I'm not going back, period.
The big book was my bible when I quit the suicidal drinking habit in my twenties, and I'm thinking I need some recovery now. I was in dallas, then, and had my choice of like 100 meetings, but there are none in this town. Back in the day, I visited some groups in nearby towns, and btw, that's how you have to do it if you wanna go everyday up here in the top of tx panhandle, ok panhandle, and eastern New Mexico: you might go to a meeting in tx on Friday and ok on Saturday, and a different little Texas town on sunday. Meetings are coordinated so a person can do that, so that the days don't conflict, as they are all weekly.
Not sure if meetings are open yet, due to covid, but I really need some recovery, I think. I'm kind of white knuckling it, as they say.
Perhaps I could at least do some reading. I've never read the NA book.
But, yeah, 30 days, and I'm never getting caught up in that shit again. I am determined. No more Happiness in Slavery.
ALso, Good god: did anyone else relate heavily to Please while they were drinking or doing drugs? Especially with the alchohlism, it was "everything is clear, I erase the fear, I can disappear" and the " swim (sink?) until I drown" bit, JESUS.